Posted on January 1, 1  •  2 minutes  • 392 words

I broke into my house looking for some secret plan. I found a PC and connected a Teto bluetooth speaker to it in order to copy the documents folder. but it was some weird Linux so I had trouble finding the files. I decided that two Sams is better than one so I split myself into two. We then hugged because I’ve always wanted to hug myself. After finding and copying over the files, I heard someone coming home. I had to escape quickly, so I merged with my clone and began running to the exit. but I wasn’t fast enough and some strange man (I guess the new owner of the house?) caught me. I could reverse time but I’d just get caught again since I can’t go far back enough to find the files faster. So I turned myself into a vampire (apparently that’s an option?) and I flew away out of the back gate. The guy still spotted me and swore at me because he thought I was his exwife who had killed his whole family after she became a vampire. I needed to find a place to hide, and luckily they had turned the garage into a shelter for animals, so I hid there for a while to regain my energy (since flying out in the sun would use way too much energy for me to be able to get back to my home). Once it was night time, I woke up and saw my cat sleeping next to me (why was she still at this house? did something happen to me where I had to escape without her?) before I could think about what happened while flying away, a mage started shooting spells at me from the house. I managed to evade them and get to my house. I analysed the data and saw that a magical girl who was destined to save the world was now living at my old house. There was an asteroid that was going to wipe out all life in about 15k years, as well as comets in 10k years, carrying magical artefacts that would make either of us unstoppable. Since I was an immortal vampire, all I had to do was find a place to hide until the comets got here. So I got into my underground coffin and fell asleep.