Memoriae Indefinitus

Posted on December 31, 9999  •  111 minutes  • 23552 words

2nd June 2017

When I woke up today I was paralysed from the waist down. It was terrifying.

8th April 2018

Today my cat was the size of a small dog and she wanted to play. She is so fluffy and loves licking my face. I love her.

2nd May 2018

One of the tines on the nib of my fountain pen got bent out of shape and I was trying to fix the but I only made it worse.
I tried frantically making adjustments and testing it but it never worked right after that.

21st June 2019

I tried a fountain pen that had a plastic nib. It was interesting.

16th November 2019

I dropped my TWSBI Eco on the floor today. The entire barrel cracked lengthwise and I was very sad.

23rd June 2020

I was in a massage chair today, it was nice. ababawabababa

28th June 2020

The HR guy broke into my house and stole my work laptop. I got fired.

19th August 2020

A small girl knocked on my gate and handed me a teddy bear.
She said it was mine and I lost it.
It had drugs inside.

20th December 2020

I’m working for Cadbury. We released new chocolates today.
I fought a vending machine during my lunch break. I think I won.

22nd December 2020

Today I snuck into a movie theatre and just as the movie was starting the laptop that was playing the movie had a kernel panic.
Somehow I ended up at the top of the theatre helping the dude fix his laptop.
Then everyone started clapping and we enjoyed the movie.

6th January 2021

Today I had a dream where I was having a dream. It went several layers deep and I wasn’t sure if I had woken up yet.
Am I awake now? The clock says it’s 5 AM but that doesn’t seem right. Please save me.

19th March 2021

I didn’t have any pants for school so my sister lent me a skirt. It was fun.

8th June 2021

Plankton was trying to show me something and he had test pads on his chest like a SD card. After I plugged him into my computer like a flash drive (idk how test pads even worked as a connector) he said “thank you for this brief technological encounter”. I think he was an alien.

16th February 2022

Version 2 of the Telethon library released today. So far there are no bugs!

1st April 2022

I had something important to do so I woke up early. But I forgot what the thing was. I hope nothing bad happens.

2nd July 2022

I was playing GTA VI and there was a mission where you had to assassinate a crazy serial killer named Ted. Ted is running around in the city protected by his goons, but when you find him and are about to kill him, he starts killing his own guys and there’s a new UI element on the side that looks like:

It’s like a chess clock, your opponent’s timer ticks down if you were the [last person] to get a kill, and kills earn you time on your clock. You can kill the other person at any time, but you only win if you have more kills than them (or if their time runs out).

17th July 2022

I couldn’t find the 😳 emoji today and I had a panic attack looking for it.

16th August 2022

I was in some kind of boarding boot camp with some of my university friends. There were no teachers around because of how my uni works. The boot camp involved us getting messages on our phones and solving puzzles to progress to the next level. I did the first few levels and then decided to take a break, so I went to nap on a couch. I woke up to my friend talking about level 22 of the challenge. Upon realizing that I had been asleep for an entire day, I gave up on completing the challenge (even though I had friends to help me?). So I walked out of the facility.

I ended up in a school; some of my old classmates from both high school and uni were there. I walked into the classroom wearing short shorts, a tank top, and my favourite hoodie. Everyone got seated quickly - I was in the middle. The teacher was one of my old science teachers, but this was a homeroom class. Someone got scolded for wearing clothes that didn’t have easily visible pockets, which made me realize that I’m in some sort of boarding school with strict rules. So I started checking my pockets - nothing useful other than my phone. Also, my hoodie has inside pockets, which are definitely against the rules, but the teacher didn’t seem to care.

Class starts and the teacher gives us back a few of our books. As the books are passed from the front to the back, I look outside and notice that there’s nothing there - just white. This prompts me to check if I’m dreaming, so I try to look at my watch twice (if the time changes, then I’m dreaming) - but it’s not there. Was it taken? Possibly by whoever put me here? Okay, new plan: after getting a stack of books passed to me from the person in front, I sort through them and take my books, passing on the rest back.

Looking at the books, I realize that I recognize these. These are all books that I had in high school! So I take a book and look at the front and back repeatedly to force the text to change, which it does. Usually at this point in a dream I begin to wake up because my brain doesn’t want me to be in control, but this time nothing happens. I try to change the world, but nothing happens again - I’m trapped.

Conveniently, the teacher steps out and people start goofing around as usual (usual? How long have I been here?). I unlock my phone and try to place a call. Not sure why, but I call the other Sam from uni. She asks me where I am, and I say that I’m in a dream that I can’t escape from. She tells me to remain calm and think carefully about how to wake up, then there’s a weird noise and the call gets cut. Then she appears in front of me. Is she also trapped in here with me now?

Before I can talk to her, my phone switches to another app that shows 9 inhalers. They don’t look like normal inhalers and are entirely made of metal bent into a weird U shape. The inhaler on the bottom right displays an animation of being pressed and disappears. That means I only have 8 calls to the real world left. (Maybe these don’t go to the real world and I can only summon 9 allies?)

I hear a voice coming from outside: “The brain is like a computer; once you bypass the antivirus and gain privileges, you can start to mess around with things like deprivileging existing users.” Did someone put a virus in my brain‽ The voice continues: “After that, you can begin sandboxing the various systems - trapping them in little boxes - maybe even shred some data along the way.” I’m going to be shredded? I need to escape now!

I ask Sam if she knows a way out, but before she can tell me, everyone starts stacking the tables to make a fort. Then I realize what’s up: the school is surrounded by monkeys. Everyone gets under the tables and hides. Glass breaks and the monkeys start pouring in. Thankfully, I’m close to the center of the table fort, so I’m relatively safe. After the monkey invasion disperses, kittens start to pour in.

“Are cats a reward?” I ask. “No, this is level 2,” Sam replies. These aren’t ordinary kittens; they’re deformed in weird ways and aggressive. I get bit on my left hand fending off the kittens, because I was not expecting their mouths to open as wide as their heads. I can hardly move my fingers after that. Sam throws out a support pet that floats near her like a summon from Terraria. After it kills a kitten, I realize I also have a pet and summon mine. It’s a giant spiky frog that can fly, and it swallows the kittens whole.

We successfully kill all the kittens, but our summons have taken a lot of damage. As we walk towards a hallway that appeared, the summons fall to the ground and I accidentally step on mine. It stabs into my foot with an unreal level of pain. “Looks like we can’t use our pets here; it’s a shame they didn’t give us a warning so we could keep them in a cage or something,” Sam says. I try to remove the crushed body of my pet from my foot, but Sam stops me: “You can’t do that; if your pet becomes active again, it’s game over.”

Each step makes the pet’s body painfully stab deeper into my foot. I guess at the end of this hallway we are supposed to fight the gatekeeper to the sandbox, but I don’t remember anything after that.

21st August 2022

I looked in a mirror today. I am so very cute.

6th September 2022

The apocalypse happened but luckily I have my own radio station.

25th September 2022

I was playing with geometry nodes in Blender today. Somehow I figured out how to modify IRL geometry too. Big things are coming.

26th September 2022

I was in school after not having attended in a while.
People were doing a group project that I had no idea about and I wasn’t in a group.

16th January 2023

I was Spiderman living in an abandoned apartment building. My electricity and other utilities were hotwired. I had to enter through a broken window because the front door was locked.

20th January 2023

I posted a GIF to the PSO2 Fleet Discord server without watching the whole thing, and it ended up being NSFW in the last half so I got banned.

10th February 2023

I was back in school after being a delinquent for a while.
I missed the first few days so I had to talk to every teacher and ask about the stuff I missed.

21st February 2023

I played PSO2 and I was stuck doing the same recommended quest forever because no matter how many enemies I killed I never got to A rank.

19th April 2023

I was walking outside and there were spiky earwigs that can burrow into your skin by violently dashing.
They pause for a moment when they’re about to go into your skin, like how the bash ability works in Ori and the Blind Forest:

There was one that kept burrowing into my legs even though I pulled it out, it hurt almost as much as the spiky cat from the other day.

17th May 2023

My PSO2 alliance, Kitty Club, had an IRL meetup and everyone was dressed as their characters.

25th May 2023

I went to McDonald’s with friends and we had a great time.

31st May 2023

I was on a plane today and it almost crashed.

2nd June 2023

I was part of a news crew doing a piece on a hospital that had very bad conditions for the patients living there (it was like a hotel for the sick). Everyone had curable but life-threatening diseases like tuberculosis. Apparently, them not being cured had something to do with everyone having COVID. Suddenly, I found myself living in the sick hotel along with one of my childhood friends. We both had what was called the “green and purple” illness. Everyone had recently been cured of COVID, so I guess the news thing was a flashback of what happened to me? I don’t remember. Anyway, the green and purple illness causes your mouth to fill with a green and purple liquid, alternately. When I blew out of my mouth, I would leave a line of perfectly round dots that alternated between green and purple. So we went around the area near the sick hotel, spitting lines of green and purple and just hanging out during our last moments (there is no cure, and we would die in a couple of days). Since we would die regardless, we went into an abandoned radiation museum that was nearby to interact with deadly radiation. On the way there, we reached the last stage of green and purple, where it became yellow and red, still alternating but with more of each before switching. I recalled that in the past, when I was with the news, I had done a story on the radiation museum. We went in and touched contaminated bits of PPE (I guess it was a museum of artifacts from some cleanup of a nuclear disaster). We then went into the basement and saw the elephant’s foot. My vision filled with static (am I a digital camera?) as we stumbled outside. Then we collapsed on the ground, puddles of green and purple covering the floor as we died.

7th June 2023

When I woke up today, I couldn’t move and someone insane was shaving my arm with a potato peeler.

20th June 2023

FFMpeg version 10 released with a filter to cure cancer.

21st June 2023

Today my girlfriend murdered me so that I never leave her. I wonder if she loves me.

25th June 2023

I told my friend Woobles that “wooby I want your scooby booby for my doobie”. I have no idea what it means.

3rd July 2023

I fell asleep after looking at a Touhou thread and had a dream that I was Reimu eating glue in a back room of a shrine.
When I woke up I almost thought glue was food.

6th July 2023

Today I made Shaksuka then I played PSO2. We ate bread in a friend’s personal quarters and then did HTPD , Sodam slapped me really hard this time.

7th August 2023

I had to turn evil to become a witch. It was worth it.

29th September 2023

I played Factorio today. Did you know that you can put steam in a box using an inserter?
You can hold the steam in your inventory and eat it. It probably tastes better than raw fish.

6th November 2023

I was at a party taking a mix of drugs with Tom Scott. It was like a sachet of powder that you inhaled the contents of, and it was called a Dr. Who

After taking it we would then have one go at running down the street away from some evil guys until our HP ran out (they were throwing furniture at us). While doing that I heard Tom talking as if he was making a video. Dunno what that’s about, it was probably a hallucination from the Dr. Who

We then got arrested, I was very scared.

9th November 2023

I figured out that if you flip each letter of the word “question” it becomes “poisson”.

15th November 2023

I was running away from my weird friend that looks like a cross between Tombo and the guy from Golden Boy. He wanted to eat pieces of foil that I had touched (they were used to wrap my lunch). While running away I snapped my fingers and teleported down a floor. I can’t do long range teleportation though so I kept running. I then found a piece of paper on the ground that had ☆ZIP!☆TELEPORT!☆ZIP-ZIP!☆TELEPORT!☆ written on it - a cheerleading teleportation spell. It was next to some game console with a motion tracking dance game, so another one of my friends helped me learn the teleport dance, when I got it right I was teleported back home.

29th November 2023

I made a reference to a meme that someone didn’t get, but when I went to find the meme I couldn’t find it!

4th December 2023

I was walking home from school with some friends and a big dog degloved my friend’s smaller brother through the fence. Somehow the dog phased through the fence afterwards and killed all of us.

18th December 2023

I went back to the final year of highschool to try to get a better score on the final exams. I failed to study again so I ended up dropping out before the exams.

21st December 2023

I am a caterpillar. Soon I will be a butterfly.

22nd December 2023

I am getting better at chess. I think I have a grasp on object permanence.

23rd December 2023

I looked at a Wikipedia article for some DVD and it said:

Availability: Maybe. because if your friends drew polka dots on your face with a marker you might get kicked out of the store.

28th December 2023

I am a very powerful, unemployed witch who is training at high school, and I had just gotten one of my essays from the mock exams back. Whatever story I had written involved lots of math, so my professor wrote, “Don’t recycle your math homework” on it, but the grade was pretty good. Apparently, I had been lying to my friends about my employment status, but they caught on. They bullied me on my way home from school, and one of them stole my magic chapstick. “They must have begun to doubt my skills”, I thought. I managed to grab it back and shove the whole thing in my mouth - normally, I only need to apply it once to have enough magic for the whole day. I then proceeded to blow up the whole district. I managed to survive because of how cool I am. I then fell to the ground.

I want another magic chapstick (it was a lovely purple colour).

30th December 2023

I was going through my dad’s collection of soldering iron tips, camera lenses and various electronic junk that was left in a display case in a mall. It had a leaking roof, which destroyed almost everything.
I was looking for a small pencil tip to do some micro soldering, but everything was weirdly shaped or rusted. I got arrested but the cops didn’t take my harmonica from me so I entertained myself by playing Bad Apple.

19th January 2024

I never completed highschool so I went back to complete it, but I joined the year partway through and had absolutely no idea what was going on.

20th January 2024

I fought Omega Masquerade today. He grabbed me and I died. Why is this so hard?

26th January 2024

I was waiting in the PSO2 gateship for people to get back so we can do HTPD . Then a pink version of Masquerade spawned and killed everyone because I didn’t have enough damage to save us, which caused us to fail the quest that we didn’t even start yet. The UQ time had already ended so we couldn’t try again.

2nd February 2024

I did a heist on a bank but instead of money they had expensive items from Factorio. I was in charge of grabbing the happy rocks (U-235). The last time we did the heist, the happy rock person died of radiation sickness because they grabbed the rocks with their bare hands. So this time I wore lead gauntlets, I also noticed that they had nuclear fuel so I stole it too (everything was in big filing cabinets). After we loaded the items into our car, we got away cleanly. I then found myself having tea with the crew members, one of them was British so they said “bad to the bone? no, sad to the scone”. That phrase now lives rent free in my head.

4th February 2024

I was in an airsoft tournament in my highschool. It was teams of 8 people, and each team had stats like revives and points. Every person had a value assigned to them, so if you killed them, their team loses that many points (I don’t think you could gain points). I was a sniper so I had a high value so everyone was protecting me as I picked off targets across the courtyard. I don’t remember much but I think we won.

Why do schools seem like the perfect place to play airsoft in?

14th February 2024

I solved a was a weird puzzle in the middle of a courtyard. It started with me and my friends noticing a stone version of a traffic light pole. When I got close to it, a stone disc rose out of the ground and started hovering vertically. I got even closer to it and it started glowing green like a traffic light. It then spun around and made a chiming noise like we succeeded at something. There was a big tank of water next to the pole now, so we turned our attention to it. It would glow to certain people when they got into a specific positions, after some shuffling around we got the positions correct and an entrance to a massive underground facility opened up. We rode an elevator downwards for like a minute. I don’t remember the rest of the puzzles but the last one involved us flooding the facility to gain access to the upper level. After we had flooded one of the floors, I climbed into the next one only to see that it was the same, a bunch of giant tubes running through the center, twisted together and with the same texture as those tubes that you get for hamsters. While I was crawling in the tubes, my friends started flooding the next floor so I almost drowned, but I managed to escape by sliding out of the pipe and using some floss as a grappling hook. Remember to floss your teeth!

16th February 2024

I replied “crop my balls” to my girlfriend then she walked into my room and used the crop tool on me to give me an orchiectomy. After that we hugged and she left.

22nd February 2024

There was an artist named Cebo whose music was just random samples and mostly silence but everyone thought it was good music. The person who showed it to me had an Alexa so they said “Alexa play Cebo”

29th February 2024

I had a school project to make a paper boat, and the classroom was flooded on the due date of the project. I don’t really remember much but my boat soaked up water and sank like it was made out of tissue so I failed. The water was warm so it was like a giant foot-spa.

17th March 2024

I was playing a Factorio RTS mod in real life with my highschool friends and we started in an IRL grocery store. We could pick one item from the shelf before going outside into the regular Factorio world (the item turns into a Factorio item when you take it out of the store). It was a nomad start too, so I found a very cool place to make my base.

18th March 2024

I woke up in the hospital after being in a coma for a week, and I couldn’t move my legs. I forgot how to walk.

21st March 2024

I was in highschool and I swapped bodies with one of my friends. I got to wear the girls uniform and I was very happy. But then I tried to contact my old self but she blocked me - I guess I didn’t swap bodies and I was in both bodies? Anyway I played with her husky and then I woke up.

25th March 2024

I was VR grocery shopping in a cyberpunk dystopia and the only phrase that I remember is “single use butthole, do not wash”

26th March 2024

I was buying illegal drugs at a hidden store inside a grocery store. I was waiting in a very long line after picking up my drugs (bricks of mushrooms) (don’t worry the line wasn’t long enough to exit the drugstore so it was still hidden). There were a bunch of different blister packs of pills on a shelf that were labelled in their street names so I was talking about it with my friend and said that the street names sound like they were just made up to sell more drugs because the IUPAC names don’t sound very flattering (who would want 3,4-methylsomethingthylate?). I think that was just regular drug store waiting in line small talk. Suddenly, a school bell-like alarm sounded, that meant the cover was blown and we should take what we can carry and run because the cops are about to show up. so I grabbed my two mushroom bricks and the pills that I was holding. After making it outside (no one got squished or pushed over), I slid the pills under one of the grocery shelves before realising that if I left it there then the cops would have my fingerprints and come looking for me. after fishing them back out I realised I had to find some place to hide them from the cops (but the mushrooms were fine? I don’t understand dream logic). I found a label maker and hid the tablets behind the label for some bottled water. I took it to the cashier and paid in cash. It was R1.50 so I gave her R3 but she was new and didn’t know how to operate the till yet so I showed her (I knew how because I had worked at this grocery store before). I fumbled the register and opened it when I meant to close it, it was an awkward interaction fuelled by my panic over the cops that were about to show up. I left the store but was then woken up by my cat, Caramel, screaming at absolutely nothing. I love cats.

27th March 2024

My house burned down because I didn’t make U-238 enhanced concrete, which is supposedly very fire resistant. I became a wanted criminal after creating life size living Barbies and giving them genitals. The police force that arrested me was called the “avenger detention and womb retention squad”.

29th March 2024

I acted in a commercial for a non-profit. They called it a “non-commercial commercial”.

30th March 2024

I was at a roulette table in a casino and I had the ability to save and load, but every time I reloaded the game the ball landed on a different colour.

6th April 2024

I was placing Factorio Space Exploration and you had to place space platform reinforcement every so often or the space platform would start to degrade.
Also there were space cliffs that you had to blow up with space cliff explosive but it was very far down the tech tree.

22nd April 2024

I was exploring an abandoned building but there were explosive mines buried in the area around the building. I stepped on a mine and it blew up 3 of my limbs so I had to wait for the technology to grow them back. There was a montage of me, a cute torso and an arm, waiting in a hospital bed for years.

28th April 2024

I was trying to decide which one of my knitted coats to wear, and I picked the one which had an autumn design with pumpkins running down the front and leaves placed sparsely. It was constructed kind of like a cable-knit sweater (maybe it was a cardigan instead of a coat? idk). Then my mom put some of my clothes on my bed that had just just came out of the dryer. I looked through them and found some pretty dresses that apparently belonged to me? I buried my face in them to feel the warmth of the dryer, and my mom shouted from the other room, “Sweetie, you’re going to be late!”.

4th May 2024

My favourite part of Life is Strange is when Victoria calls Max “Marxine” and she replies “Marx, never Marxine”.

7th May 2024

Shadow the hedgehog was in my room this morning and he said “sticks and stones may break my bones but time heals all wounds”, I asked him what it meant and he just left without saying anything else.

12th May 2024

I knitted a hoodie.

26th May 2024

I had fluorescent stars tattooed on my upper chest, and they were shining because I was at a rave

28th May 2024

I was sent to assassinate some guy named Ahmed Pennywise but he had two bodyguards, both wielding spears. My weapon of choice was a double headed spear disguised as one of those fire dancing poles. I was also dressed like a fire dancer, which meant one wrong move and I’d be dead. but I’m so cool that I deflected attacks from both sides and killed his body guards in a couple minutes. I then proceeded to makeout with Ahmed, no clue why, but I slipped a cyanide pill into his mouth and then watched as his eyes rolled back, his mouth foamed up, and his gorgeous lips turned blue. Mission successful.

5th June 2024

Hentai websites shared names with queer identities for some reason. I was watching a Youtuber talk about it and he said something like “coming out as e-hentai is the worst because people will assume you’re into the weirdest tags and go out of their way to ask if you’re into them. the other day on Instagram I got a DM from a fan asking me if I’m into chikan. Now I don’t know what that is, but I’m interested. Anyways, I’ve heard from one of my close friends that coming out as n-hentai is somehow even worse because you’ll get sent random numbers. I DONT KNOW WHAT THE NUMBERS MEAN!”.
His shouting woke me up.

21st June 2024

Something happened that made it so everyone would wake up with a full face of makeup, but it was random so you could wake up in clown makeup.

24th June 2024

Certain dogs could be used to identify any object. The results show up in a virtual floating window called a class list. You can move the window around by pinching on it in your field of view, the dog has to be in line of sight for it to work. We found a small black dog in the garage and tried to use it to identify junk, but the class list wasn’t showing up. I think my dad had misplaced it, and the dog was very sad. So they jumped on the roof and started walking around but my cat, Caramel, was there and she started fighting with the dog, so it ran back to us and jumped down. I was talking to my girlfriend about it on discord and she ended up saying something about Slim Shady. The conversation went something like:

GF: …Slim Shady
ME: what?
GF: [link to youtube video of my name is]
ME: who?
GF: Slim Shady

Poor doggo, I hope we find their class list window eventually.

1st July 2024

I watched a youtube video that went like:

welcome to Charla’s top 10 tips to achieve happiness
number 10: be dumb, be cute, be happy, the last thing you want in your own emotions is someone else’s sadness, but as it turns out, that might be exactly what you get…
number 9: hang out with friends, …
number 8: be dumb, be cute, be happy, (same as number 10)
…etc

12th July 2024

I went to a restaurant that would kick you out of you repeated two words while speaking, or if you stopped eating. There was no menu, they bring you whatever and you have to eat it. Someone got kicked out for saying thank you twice lol. So I was saying things like “thankerino” to not get kicked out.

Then they brought something that looked like a bunch of mushrooms and some scissors. you are supposed to cut the mushrooms into pieces with the scissors but they were too hard to cut, so I ran out of food to eat and got kicked out.

What a scam.

17th July 2024

I had transitioned in school but my parents broke up before that so my dad didn’t know. I was going to watch a movie at the school theatre (this was not my school). After I handed my ticket to the person at the front, I walked further in and apparently it wasn’t a movie, it was an assignment where we had to colour a couple frames of a video with pencils and markers. My dad was there colouring things (I thought it was a school assignment?) but he didn’t recognise me because I sat far away and I was wearing an ugly sweater with my hair down. I spent the rest of the time colouring in pages with the people at my table, looking cute as heck.

22nd July 2024

I went to an arcade/tech shop and I was walking around looking at things. All I remember is seeing lots of boxes for things I didn’t about. When I got to the arcade cabinets, above them was a TV that was playing a music video. I apparently liked this song and associated it with arcade games so I pulled out my phone (from a very cute bag) and took a picture but the staff saw me and kicked me out. They were speaking Japanese so I guess I was in Japan? Anyway, this one lady picked me up and physically carried me out of the store. It was kinda nice because she held me like a princess in both her arms.

Later that day, Poweramp (a music player on android that hasn’t received feature updates in years) got an update that added a minigame where you have to guess things about the artists in your library. It was a list of artists and below that a list of sentences like “at least one of them is trans”, “they have released more than 10 songs that are not in my library”, and you had to drag the sentences onto the artists. It wasn’t hard because the sentences were worded such that you only had to be a certain amount correct, and you could freely drag the sentences to different artists to see how correct it was - it was more a game of trying to find a combination that was correct enough for all artists.

Anyway, once I successfully completed the game, it gave me a “trans bonus” for having trans artists in my library. I wanted to check if there was a Reddit thread about it but I couldn’t find it in Google so I had to manually navigate to various subreddits. Also apparently Hackernews had shut down so I couldn’t check there. I was a bit confused because I was using Brave instead of Firefox because of the new Ad tracking “feature” added in Firefox 128 (this one is real). I woke up before being able to find a thread about the minigame.

24th July 2024

The EU elected an “Auxilitarian” government who brought back the headphone jack to phones.

27th July 2024

I got an apartment with 128 MB of RAM. There was a gap in the back wall so I could dash like Mercenary from Risk of Rain 2 into the next apartment, sort of like how you can clip through the gate on the cave in the Abyssal Depths map. Luckily I knew the guy who lived there, he was showing me an oil heater from china mall that could use as much power as a hotplate. He was saying that I wouldn’t have to get a hotplate because I could cook on the heater. While he was talking, the heater started to glow red hot until it exploded, spilling oil everywhere and setting his apartment on fire. In order to escape the flames I dashed into the next apartment. apparently it was the guys previous apartment, and it was also very burnt, though this one had walls like a zig zag maze, and the floor was covered in burnt car seats with sharp bits of metal sticking out, so I had to dash to the end of each hallway where there was a lamp that would reset my dash cooldown. after I made it to the end, I dashed into the next apartment which was also owned by someone I knew. Their apartment was filled with old computers, I guess they were trying to upgrade their apartment’s RAM? We talked about some stuff that happened in school (the person was from my primary school, but we talked about stuff that happened in high school?), I told them how I was a girl now and they said “Cool”. By now the apartment should have stopped burning so I could dash back to mine (apparently they were insulated well enough that the insides of one room completely burning did not compromise the structural integrity the buildings nor spread the fire to adjacent rooms). Once I got back to mine, I realised that it felt a bit small, I guess it was the small amount of RAM that it had, so I called the domain controller (yes, not the landlord) to upgrade the RAM of my apartment.

30th July 2024

Don’t forget to tell your pets WABYA (“what a baby you are”)!
It’s related to ACAB (“all cats are babies”)!

4th August 2024

I was in school, hanging out with my friends, but then a butterfly spawner landed on me and everyone ran away. It exploded and hundreds of monarch butterflies flew out. I don’t know why everyone ran away because they were not harmful, just cool and numerous.

After that I found a part of the fence that did not have barbed wire so I jumped over, some other students saw me and also jumped, but it was near the office so the principal saw us and wrote something down about it. I jumped back over and saw that the school was having a stress test where every student changes classes at the same time. The doors to the playground were locked now so I had to jump over the counter of a stall that was selling sweets (it was built in an archway that led into the school). I stole a strawberry sweet (holy shit celeste reference) and ran into the school. They were going to do a role call to find out who jumped the fence to escape school, but because no one saw me come back in, I think I was safe, aside from the green item in my pocket (risk of brainrot, you get a random green rarity item every time you complete the stage boss, I guess I couldn’t have had one without leaving school). So I threw it down the stairs, which were at least 4 stories tall and made of metal with catwalks connecting them. I do not know what inspired this place but it made for a fun viewing experience as everyone running around bumped the item (which are physics objects for some reason).

When I got to class I found myself in a code competition of some sorts where we had to make an interface to control a drone using spore (I don’t know what a video game would have to do with it). Everyone was sat on the carpeted floor, using their laptops. I was late and someone named Alice already had a working prototype, but she published it on github accidentally (I don’t know how you could do that accidentally). That allowed me to use it as a starting point, obviously I couldn’t change a few things and submit it as my own. typically in these sorts of competitions, the winners are decided by who submits a working solution first. that usually means that anyone who has personal projects that they can pull related features from wins. I had no such projects so I definitely couldn’t win, what I was doing with Alice’s code was learning from it. I couldn’t get it to run though, as it needed spore to be installed and I did not have steam on a school laptop (I think this whole thing was a plot for the school to get our steam profiles so we could get in trouble for being in game when we should be studying or at home while sick or similar). The judges were walking around and they saw that I had Alice’s interface open, and because it had her name on it, apparently they thought I was in a team with her (the event was solo). Alice came up to them and after we explained things to them, and that I was definitely not going to win, they left us alone. Since I was the only person who managed to get a copy of Alice’s code before she took it down, she told me that she’d love to be on a team with me in some future event.

12th August 2024

I went to a fast food drive-in that was on a giant rectangular indoor pool. You had to sit in a large polystyrene tray and wait for the current to take you around the perimeter of the pool, at one end was the entrance/exit and place to order, and on the other end were the cashier and counter where you get your order. They were selling a “Geocities” burger that was supposed to be a combination of a bunch of 2000’s flavours, but when I got there, they were out of stock so they adjusted the current to push everyone away from the far end (they only have 1 item?).

16th August 2024

I was watching T90 casting a BFME II game and he was using the term “whatsapp army” a lot. I had no idea what it was supposed to mean. Until I realised that he was referencing how you can summon lots of units with the powers.

18th August 2024

I was playing Need for Speed Most Wanted and there were 50 racers on the blacklist. Shrek was number 50. His description was “Shrek is love, Shrek is life. Also he drives your mom’s Prius”.

26th August 2024

One of my friends didn’t want to watch a pixar movie, so I drove to their house in my sixth generation Toyota Corolla hatchback (I do not own a car) and aimed a laser projector at their window, as well as an ultrasonic speaker (their room was at the front of the house). This forced them to watch the movie.

After that I visited my highschool in uniform (I don’t think alumni typically wear the uniform) and the principal called me beautiful.

28th August 2024

I was wearing a Saya -esque dress (I think it was either a pinafore or trapeze dress, not sure exactly what style Saya’s is) and standing outside my girlfriend’s house, I called her and played one of the songs from the game (I think it was SCHIZOPHRENIA), and she called the cops on me. but then I was a cop and I arrested myself?

29th August 2024

Apple released a thing called Memories, which are small gelatin film balls that can store a whole 360 view of a scene. They are on a floating invisible grid of shelves that follows your phone around, and your phone will choose if the scene looks important enough to capture a Memory. You cannot manually control it, because Apple. When you run out of balls, you need to buy a separate tool that looks like the GMod gun handle, it clips onto the invisible shelf and allows you to empty it out and insert new memory balls (confusingly, apple also calls the balls themselves Memories).

1st September 2024

I was playing BFME 2 and the witch king had an ability at level 10 called “victory shout” which instantly wins the game

6th September 2024

I had a dream that I was playing Empire Earth and there was a new citizen voice sound that didn’t fit in at all, it was an American guy saying “very active!”

“Okay”
“Yes”
“Right away”
“Ready”
“How can I help”
“VERY ACTIVE!”

7th September 2024

I was a small fairy hiding in my friend’s, Sarah’s, cupboards

11th September 2024

I was a cookie that had just come out of the oven (I was warm, it felt nice), the baker said “that’s just the way the sam crumbles” and I woke up. I think he ate me. I do not know because cookies don’t have senses.

26th September 2024

I watched a parody of this music video where they were all wearing pyjamas:

The lyrics were changed to:

Under the covers, under the covers
Right now, it’s napping time
Under the covers, under the covers
The only way out is to sleep

Sam has spoken through her dreams
As I lie, rest and snore
The sleep time grows longer

5th October 2024

Gearbox added a ghost backpack legendary item to Risk of Rain 2 that was a chibi ghost who clung to your back, it had no effects and was purely visual.

19th October 2024

My school replaced the assembly hall with a giant indoor swimming pool, and to attend the weekly assembly we had to find a mattress to float on the surface with. But then as a prank, after the assembly, they started draining the pool. So I got out and swam to the edge.
I was talking to my friends about stuff and I mentioned how it’s cool to wear shirts about past presidents but if you wear a shirt of a current president/candidate then it’s a political message.
Now I want shirts of old american presidents, like a JFK shirt in the style of the Obama hope poster.

21st October 2024

My dad came to shoot me but the house was locked so he cheated by opening all the curtains so I couldn’t hide anywhere. There was a song playing like musical chairs, but when the song stopped he shot me. The song went something like:

The cheater’s standing in the hallway
He’s standing alone again
The teacher wants his homework
He doesn’t know what to do

Then I was back in school after many months. I was talking to my friends before school and they were apparently working on programming assignments like I had in university. When class started, my teacher (who was my high school home room teacher) saw me and said “look who’s back”. I then immediately ran out of class and jumped into my car and started driving home. However this teacher was somehow in my head and she was asking me questions like if the next turn was a left. When I eventually gave in and told her which direction one of the turns went, she appeared in my passenger seat and said something like “I don’t mean to get in your face” while being in my face. I got onto the highway (how far is my house from this school?) and when I sped up the road turned into a Trackmania level, with my teacher chasing me. I woke up when I missed a jump and fell into a pool of water.

30th October 2024

A friend mentioned that ND (Neutral density) filters would filter out neurodivergent (ND) people from images. But it didn’t work on me for some reason and I had a panic attack because I wasn’t a “real” neurodivergent person.

Later, I was doing an English exam in the courtyard of my highschool. everyone from my grade was standing outside in a loose grid formation. I got handed a piece of paper written by another student that has a passage on one side and questions on the other. It read something “Vanvan of the Land Lover tribe got into her tank, the Vulva Luva. Vanvan’s tank landed on an enemy van as she plunged down a valley of the Virginia mountains” and continued for a while. The first question asked how many times “van” appeared in the text. I think it was a trick question because they never said “the word van”, but just “van”, or even specified case sensitivity. I hate questions like that.

Also there was also an augmented reality interface that was styled like windows XP, for retrieving information from a music library with specific options like finding tracks with a certain BPM or with specific notes etc. Not sure if I was using it to cheat or if we had a DJ exam afterwards, but my pocket was stuffed full of small papers with English notes and no one seemed to notice or care.

32nd October 2024

I don’t want to talk about it.

2nd November 2024

Today my girlfriend stopped responding to any of my messages. She is online but not reading them or typing.

10th November 2024

I moved into an underground apartment. The first thing I remember is that movers were unloading the truck and putting the boxes into a rectangular chute that was sticking out of the ground on the side of a building. After they were done, I went feet first into the chute and slowly crawled downwards (it was at about a 30° incline). The entrance was on the side but I had turned off the night vision on my glasses so I missed it. I kept crawling further until I saw a red warning on my glasses that said something about imminent user death. So I started crawling back upwards until I saw the entrance on the side. I climbed out of the tunnel into an entrance way. I tried to walk into my apartment but I was stopped by a giant immovable spider who grabbed my face. The movers were wearing hazmat suits and spraying the furniture down with some sort of disinfectant because I had japanese decorations that could carry parasites or something. I woke up before they could finish.

11th November 2024

I was playing a card game called “go sip” that was exactly like go fish but when someone says “go sip” you also have to take a sip of a glass of vodka that is in the center of the table.

Later I went to a concert for a metallica parody band called pastor of muppets, they were all dressed in muppet costumes and had pope hats.

17th November 2024

I was playing PSO2 and they added a spoilage mechanic to items in material storage:

I had to use all my red meat to cook jerky - 5 at a time - it was pain. The only way to get rid of spoilage was to sell it in the player market because you couldn’t discard it. Though reaching the storage cap only made a green stink effect emanate from your character. I don’t think it had any other effects.

18th November 2024

I became a robot maid and I told myself in the mirror “I like my steak like your political compass, medium left”.

I still think of this sometimes and laugh to myself.

21st November 2024

I was working at a supervillain headquarters and my coworker was having problems with his code so I had to tell him to make sure to call the .AvengeBrethren() method.

6th December 2024

I was in a bathtub but then my girlfriend disappeared, so I dived into the tub which was actually a pool to look for her.

7th December 2024

I saw a horse walking on the road so I went to take a picture of it but then it ran into a park and turned into a giant cat. I turned around and I was back home and I had adopted a white cat named augur. He was 8 years old and had one eye. Apparently people didn’t want to adopt him because they thought he was ugly. but my cat, Caramel, and me liked him.

15th December 2024

I was in full dive VR and going through one of my old friends blogs. Each post was a mini game with developer commentary and you had to play them from newest to oldest.
She was apparently a surgeon before but quit because of the horror of killing people, I remember a line of narration: “Most people assume everyone around them is happier than them, but I assure you they’re not. I’m not happy, I thought I was cut out for being a surgeon - at least that’s what they told me - but I’m not, I’ve killed people. people that would’ve been fine if I wasn’t their surgeon. It haunts me every night.”

Later, Elon musk kidnapped me because apparently I already died and my original body was stolen by someone. I think was a cyborg? Anyway he gave me a gun and had me do a shooting at a library.
It was kinda fun actually because my cybernetic implants made it very hard to miss any shots.

Abroad in Japan opened a restaurant in a Dune themed area of Japan where a rich person spent over 600 billion into building a tiny island into a faithful recreation of the one of the planets. I went with one of my friends to one of the restaurants and we ordered steaks (how are these dune themed?). I ordered a A5 wagyu but then they wanted us to play a game with a consent form where you have to spell the other person’s name correctly, and I kept misspelling my friend’s name. But luckily I can reverse time in my dreams like Max so I kept trying. The lady at the counter seemed to be catching on to something happening because I moved my left hand weirdly. I eventually got it after like the 14th try but then I woke up. Thank you Sarah.

17th December 2024

I was on the FBI’s most wanted list and I was hiding out in my house but my room was like that of a little girls. The FBI raided my place and kidnapped everyone but before they got to me, I shapeshifted into a little girl. However, they still kidnapped me. We ended up driving to a mall that had christmas decorations up. We got out and walked to a bench in the middle of a part of a path that went like ߆ downhill. We were sitting on the left side of the bend and there was a big projector screen on the right. There were people walking up and down the path. I was sitting to the right of a small boy with a gun who was a detective apparently. There was a girl who looked like his bigger sister on his left and to my right was someone who was adult sized but I never saw their face, probably their parent? Anyways the boy and me were holding the gun together while the adult on the right plus someone related to me were playing a skiing videogame on the big screen with controllers. I think the FBI made us a deal that if we won then they’d let us go free. but I got bored of waiting and used my full strength to wrestle the gun away from the boy, I then shot everyone who was against us. but then the mall security came to arrest us, so I reversed time to just before we sat down. I heard the thoughts of the boys sister, “Did that girl just teleport a little bit?”, “Why does everything feel like jello?”. I don’t think she caught on to it but then a FBI guy came from behind to watch us which didn’t happen previously. He started throwing random giant polystyrene objects to distract us so we lose, but it didn’t work. One of the objects bonked me on the head and I woke up.

27th December 2024

I was near the exit of my local tiny mall and I saw a rope moving on the ground so I grabbed it. I put on my roller skates and let myself be pulled by it. When it went around a corner I used my momentum to prevent myself from slamming into the corner. I started reeling in the rope into a winch that was mounted inside my thigh (cyber Sam is hot). At this point I was being pulled behind a car on the road. when I got closer I jumped up and handed on the hood, distracting the driver because I was wearing the PSO2 phantom outfit and he was looking up my skirt. This caused the driver to crash. Mission success?

12th January 2025

I was in the school library preparing for a trip with a couple of my friends. We were apparently going on a flight to somewhere far because my teacher says she wish she put anime on her phone. I said that I can get her some anime from my computer so I reached for my phone but it wasn’t there - guess I forgot it. After that we went to the hall because there were some pizza boxes with our names on them. Along with the pizza there were letters to each of us that said something about a mystery. it was about someone important getting kidnapped so we called off the trip. My phone was with the pizza boxes too, I guess who ever orchestrated this thing stole it, some apps were missing and settings were changed so I left the phone because it was obviously bugged (but who would be able to unlock it? persona?). The rest of the dream was us going to various locations based on the clues in the pizza letters. One of the people with me (no clue where he was from, he wasn’t in the library, nor did he get a pizza letter) was saying things like “why do your ideas always work”. I told the teacher that he was being rude so she told me to write what he did on a piece of paper. as expected, I wasn’t able to write letters properly while dreaming. so I said screw it and duplicated the guy two times. this seemed counterproductive, but after I put all three of them in a row, they disappeared like gems in bejewelled. I think I woke up after that, I’m sad that I never got to solve the pizza box mystery.

20th January 2025

I was in school and I made my pencil case produce and recycle Bic pens until I got a legendary quality one. when I finally got it, the legendary one was as smooth as a fountain pen. However, the quality icon was visible through walls so I was worried that someone would steal it if they used ALT mode.

28th January 2025

I was I in school and I brought a blanket to keep my legs from being cold. I had two plushies and I fell asleep on top of them.
Also does the phrase “schooner mom” mean anything to you?

31st January 2025

I watched a Youtube video with smell-o-vision: Faris left nostril, Kurisu right nostril.

5th February 2025

There was a Flofrou key on my keyboard. pressing it would type out “Flofrou” so I had to backspace after pressing it to get a “F”.

8th February 2025

I was in a remote boarding school somewhere in the countryside. I retained all my knowledge but was in a kids body. I’m not sure exactly what happened but I think I discovered that something was wrong with the milk that we were being given every day. I showed one of the teachers pictures of the dates on the milk and how they stopped matching up with the current date (no idea how this proves anything). She got really mad at me and locked me out of my school phone, but I turned it off so she didn’t get to delete the photos (I guess they really are some kind of damning evidence). I knew that they would do something bad to me so I ran to the end of the field and jumped over the fence. Apparently an adult’s pain tolerance with the dexterity of a child can do crazy things. But a teacher saw me and started chasing me, so I threw my bag at her legs and broke them. She was lying on the floor in pain lol. After I ran far enough I ended up in space (was this school actually a space platform?). I remember suffocating but then I woke up as a rappy floating in space. apparently ARKS turn into rappies when their bodies are in danger (this sounds like real lore but it’s not). I then found myself in a space suit and turned into a child version of Kasane Teto. I woke up after that, but I think Suletta would have rescued me with her Gundam if I continued dreaming.

11th February 2025

I found a spectral pack under my bed and it had a single ankh card inside, when I used the card I died and was replaced with two copies that were no longer me. I turned into an outside observer and had to watch them do things together.

14th February 2025

I was playing Balatro and it had seasons, every 8 antes it would change. There were jokers that would be a buff in some seasons and a debuff in others. I remember a joker called fur coat that gave 1.5x mult in autumn and 2.5x in winter, but 0.5x in summer and spring.

17th February 2025

There was a second “arm” extending south from the west side of america, and Illinois was on the east coast of it. In the middle was a tiny landlocked state called Choy and it operated as its own country. Someone got me plane tickets to there because it was very queer friendly. Also the kids next door were headquartered there and they started an operation to rescue my girlfriend.

20th February 2025

I was in someone’s yard but they had concrete instead of sand or grass. I had to find a hose to wash the dirt on the floor away, but the first one I found had an incorrect fitting for the tap. So I walked around the corner and found another hose that was correct. However it belonged to someone else, some crazy guy that looked like Russel Brand, and he had a knife. he said he would cut me open but then I kissed him on the cheek and he gave me his knife and the hose. After washing away the dirt, I walked around the corner to give the knife back, but the layout had changed so I had to go down some stairs, outside a door was a fat guy who looked like a government spy, so I kissed him to stun him and then cut his throat. I took his keys and entered his apartment, on a table next to the entrance was a tiny brief case that contained SD cards. I took it and ran away from the building, just in time because it exploded after I left.

I found myself in a theatre for a PSO2 NGS movie featuring Matio and Aina. I was cosplaying as Aina and hiding behind one if the seats. There was a point in the movie where Aina went missing, and I had to run out to the exit at that point (what a weird job). Some guy spotted me a couple minutes before the scene so I told him that if he is quiet then I’ll give him a kiss. When the time came, I shattered like a glass card from Balatro and reappeared in the middle of the front of the theatre. The guy that spotted me earlier was there, so I kissed him in front of everyone, and they all cheered as I ran to the exit.

After that, I was in some employees only area, probably after the movie, hanging out with some people. My nephew was there and he was playing with my phone. I saw big titties on the phone screen so I snatched it away from him. he was on a website about buying breastmilk which prompted me to say “nice fetish kid, too bad you can’t milk these” while folding my boobs. He ran off crying for some reason.

2nd March 2025

Today I tried the new Discord experimental feature which lets you send part of your conscience to someone. It’s very cool because the other person can respond with part of their conscience, this lets both of you get closer to each other’s thought processes. I tried it with my girlfriend but she never responded so I lost part of myself forever.

6th March 2025

Caramel had a red seal so she had to meow twice.

9th March 2025

An alternate version of me trapped me in a black void with my bed, and I asked her why she did this. Her reply was “it’s not my fault that I’m god”. and I agree it’s not my fault that I’m god.

16th March 2025

I went over to a friend’s house with a Hitachi magic wand because she had some brainstorms that we could use to copy its effect with.

21st March 2025

I was in school close to the last day of the year, after final exams. My english teacher was checking our work books to see that we completed all the exercises. I don’t think I did my homework, and I wanted to get out of it. So I went around the building and found a pipe (using alt mode) that contained petroleum gas, which I removed an underground pipe from, making the gas start flooding the underneath of the grounds. Then in class I distracted my teacher by giving her my work book from 2017, and once she realised I gave her my first book of the year, which was already marked. I eventually gave her my second book of the year, with lots of incomplete work. While she was checking it, I left the classroom, locked the door and started pouring gasoline. Weirdly enough no one noticed what I was doing, until I set it on fire, this caused the grounds to set on fire as well because of all the gas seeping out of them. I had to run away as fast as I could because the gas underground would explode eventually. I managed to get to a road before the whole ground exploded. Then idk what happened I think I became a cop to prevent being persecuted for my crimes? I just remember shooting someone who wasn’t resisting with rubber bullets for fun.

26th March 2025

I was playing Balatro in Terraria and I accidentally summoned the moon lord by destroying a card - but it was okay because Samurai Jack saved me by killing the moon lord (he showed up after I played 5 of a kind of jacks)

27th March 2025

Floss got stuck in my teeth and when I pulled on it, my tooth cracked in half - but it was ok because I was growing my third set of teeth (Sam shark confirmed)

28th March 2025

I had a dream that I had a dream where a fairy came to sleep next to me, she gave me fairy wings but they got damaged when I turned over in my sleep. When I woke up I posted it on a Discord server but I accidentally sent it to the #real channel and got banned because #real is for posting real things.

7th April 2025

I was playing Balatro and glass cards could shatter in the middle of scoring, and when they do scoring immediately stops.

9th April 2025

I was in school again and going to an assembly but they had police and dogs outside for some reason. The scanners stopped me because I’m genderfucky and the dog, after sniffing me, wanted to play with me. When they let me go the dog tried to follow me (just like dogs do in real life). When we got inside they took attendance for some reason, but they deadnamed me. This made me get into an argument with one of the teachers. I asked them if I could read a paragraph in front of the school and they said sure but they’d have to approve it first. I had trouble finding a blank piece of paper because they would always shrink after I tore a piece out of one of my books (and it had to be blank or the existing text would merge with what I wrote, turning it into nonsense). So all I wrote on one of the papers was “I have a gun, let me speak” but I wrote it with disappearing ink. so before the end of the assembly I showed it to the bigot teacher and they let me speak but called security, so I only had a couple minutes (despite them being outside). I don’t remember what I said, it was something about apartheid and how we shouldn’t treat people differently. idk what the purpose of this was since the whole school already supported me (not sure why I was famous?). Then when security arrived they searched me, found no gun, and no note saying I had one so they detained the teacher for wasting their time, everyone cheered. I guess no one liked that teacher xD

17th April 2025

I was hanging out with highschool gal friends. One of the guys broke a desk fan and it caught on fire so the fire department came. They broke down the wall and extinguished the flames, this all happened in like 20 seconds somehow. We fled the scene because we’d be in trouble otherwise. Everyone in the building evacuated at this point so we joined the crowd and pretended to be part of them, then we decided to go to the gym so we started walking there. On the way there I met an old friend who was telling me about a really cool band and I showed them that I was listening to said band while they were talking about them (I had my iems in one ear). They mentioned how maybe I should get wireless iems so that I don’t have to deal with a wire. I said nah they don’t work well in the gym because of the number of bluetooth devices around. But actually we didn’t go to the gym, rather we went to an underground facility for researching something. The building was a faraday cage so there was no interference. and the guy said “see I told you there’s no interference down here”. Perhaps gym was a secret code word for this facility where we apparently worked at.

21st April 2025

I played PSO2 NGS and there was a new Nadereh concert that had the lyrics “dreaming of your starless heart”.
It sounded like a jazz version of only the intro of this song:

Later, I had to break into someone’s house to get their car keys because I wanted to get into their car for some reason. I was sneaking around their house looking for the car keys but I didn’t find them. I found my self in a situation where someone was about to exit their room and go into the passage, so I had to decide which way I’d go at a junction so that they wouldn’t see me. I picked wrong and just as they were about to see me, I tried rewinding time but it didn’t work, then a prompt came up asking if I wanted to be a vampire, so naturally I accepted it because otherwise I would get caught. I then became invisible, snuck around and found the car keys.
However, when I got to the car there were two strangers standing near it. One guy was William and the other guy was Billiam. I think William was a vampire hunter because he spotted me when I was invisible to everyone else. Luckily he didn’t want to harm me because he was retired. He gave me his flintlock pistol for some reason and told me to keep them safe (why would a vampire need a pistol? I think maybe it was his way of showing peace since it was his vampire hunter pistol). I didn’t know how to drive so I gave him the keys and we drove off to the mall.
I started running around the mall, playing with my vampire super speed, but William was always watching me. Just before we left (I don’t even know why I was there), I decided to give a quick run through of the women’s clothing section, there wasn’t anything cute, but William, who I think recognised me pre-transition, asked for my name and I said “I am Samara the vampire, your mom fears me”, and then let out a witch-like laughter. he started calling me by name after that which was very nice.
On our way out I spotted one of my tech art projects, it was a CRT TV with a camcorder on the back (when did I join the future gadget lab ?). I called it “recordo-tron-chan” because it could record and was a small flatron tv. After looking at it, I noticed that there was a lady looking at it too, she looked young so I said, “miss, you’re probably too young to recognise this object”. But as I looked at her, I recognised her feet as my girlfriend’s feet (Samara the vampire lore: she likes feet). I kissed her and then said I had to go.
Not sure what happened but after we left the mall I found myself at a company reward ceremony for something where I won adidas shoes, but they were not cute. So I traded with a coworker for their silicone sculpture that they won as a prank gift.

30th April 2025

I was part of a scheme to crash an aeroplane for insurance fraud. We did something with a cable to pull the plane into a bridge, I don’t remember the details (or maybe there weren’t any details to begin with). The plan failed and everyone on board survived. I remember walking away from the plane crash trying not to look suspicious so that I don’t get arrested. then I spotted one of my high school friends wearing her primary school uniform, I asked her what she’s wearing and she started running. I chased her up to her house doorway but I couldn’t enter (Sam the vampire again?).

26th May 2025

I was watching a YukkoEX sketch where a guy was at a park in front of a metal sign with a hole on it. A trans girl asked him what he was doing and he said “well I’ve never had a partner so I’ve always wanted to know what it feels like”. She replied “How is a metal sign any substitute for a person? Go out there and be yourself instead”, which made the guy tear up and leave. Then the girl stood in front of the sign and unzipped.

3rd June 2025

I was in ARKS from PSO2 and I helped a little girl who looked like a cross between Made in Abyss Riko and Lilo and Stitch Lilo defeat a fish god who killed her parents. She decided to use the powers she gained from defeating her god to destroy her whole planet because “a world without my ohana is not worth living in”.
There was something afterwards about cutting open the fish god that we took back to the ship, and inside was a cat. I don’t remember if anything happened after that.

4th June 2025

10th June 2025

I was at a comedy show and the closing joke was “150% of people are asleep right now. 148% of people aren’t even real, and the remaining 1.44% aren’t even asteroids. Now, you might be wondering «what do you mean by 150%?» [long pause]. thank you for watching”.

I thought it was hilarious, I woke up laughing.

11th June 2025

I was in a wind tunnel with the wind blowing at me, and I was spinning a knife around my finger. It was fun but dangerous.

21st June 2025

I was in a highschool economics class but with one of my english substitute teachers. He started the lesson by asking who owned a windows pc, everyone put up their hands. then he asked “anyone want to give me your product key?”, which was met with dead silence. He then placed a box full of windows 7 boxes on the table as if he was going to give them away, but then he proceeded to talk about free markets or something. Afterwards, close to the end of the period, he said he’s doing a giveaway of empty boxes from his recent shopping trip. he threw empty boxes at us and whoever grabbed it got to keep it. one of my best friends got a box that was a “combination 2 in 1 toaster kettle”, I asked her “would you still love me if I was a combination 2 in 1 toaster kettle”, she said “yes Sammy, I would still love you if you were an aliexpress product title”. While we were walking home, I explained how it’s a favourite thing of mine to ask my girlfriend, “would you still love me if I was x”, and she asked if my girlfriend always says yes. I said that she does but not if I was a cop or fascist. She said that my girlfriend is a real one and I should marry her. Thank you dream person.

26th June 2025

I was on a field trip in highschool to an observatory on a hill just outside of town. My friends were just hanging out by a locked tower. After most people had left, it was just me and one of my close friends. We decided to climb over the gates on the stairs of the tower. After getting to the top, I took out a trans flag from my bag and we tied it to one of the railings on the top. Then we got down, got on a bus and went back home, while looking at our handy work.

Be cute do crimes.

28th June 2025

Today I tried out being a DJ. I played a techno song using an edited sample which I changed to “bass is kicking, drums is drumming, y’all ain’t heard of the lass I’m fucking”. Everyone loved it.

1st July 2025

I was attending my first day of highschool, looking cute as always. On the way there I was practising my voice by doing a mickey mouse impression (this is lore accurate). They had separated the boys and girls for the entrance ceremony, so one of my previous guy friends wanted me to sit with the guys. I said no but he tried to force me to sit there. he said that if I sit there and his friends get to have their way with me, then he’ll give me $250000 (seems legit). Then one of the teachers saw and recognised the guy as one of the Delightful Children From Down The Lane. So he took out a katana and chopped the guy in half. He then shook my hand and said “Nice to meet you Mikoto Miyazaki, I am Nigel from the Kids Next Door”. We exchanged some words, I think he was related to my dad somehow. I then sat down in girl’s section next to my friends and then I woke up.

2nd July 2025

I was in prison using a prison laptop with a prison edition of the Firefox browser called Cellmate

I got arrested because I was on some wooden docks swinging around an ice enchanted katana that was made by Honda. The only thing that separates a sword fighter from a monkey with a stick are pleasantries, apparently. That’s why on the side of the handle that faces your enemy it says “もしもし” (but this isn’t a telephone?), how strange.

13th July 2025

I was in the process of movingly to somewhere in Europe. I got a job as a convenience store clerk and I was dressed like Jill from VA-11 Hall-A. It didn’t pay much so I was looking for something else to do, but I had to keep the convenience store job for visa reasons. On the news, I heard a story about a new organised crime group that has been very successful and I thought about joining them. Someone came into the store and said “hey are you Lima Smashburger?”, this pissed me off enough for me to go home for the day.

I had my friend Vilkis pick me up, we talked about the crime group and made a plan to join them mid heist. We figured out the next location that they would hit somehow, I remember a montage with a board filled with red string, seems legit. I don’t know how Vilkis got us guns and black clothes with ski masks, and he said not to ask. We had someone drive by the heist location in a pickup truck, we jumped out when they slowed down. While waiting around the corner we saw the crime group walking towards their destination, so we threw smoke bombs but they were quickly blown away by a tornado that was sweeping the area. This still worked as a diversion while we killed 4 members of their crew and replaced them. We then walked up to the location, which was an abandoned building that had a Line Strike card pinned to the wall. I guess it was a rare card? After entering, the gang played a little game to see who would be in front while we defended from a rival gang. It was a game of chicken to see who would stop first when walking towards a wall, everyone walled slower than me so I reached the wall first, that meant I had to go in front. But there was a concrete pipe in the centre of the floor so it didn’t feel unsafe. We watched the entrances and killed the rivals as soon as they entered the building, I don’t think they expected us to be here. After we got the card and fled to a safe location, everyone unmasked and that’s when they realised we’re not their crew. So they pulled their guns on us, but we did the same. We explained that the tornado took their crew away so we saw it as an opportunity to step in. They said we’re good so we can stay with them, we got our cuts of the money and left. I told Vilkis that this is what we’re doing from now on, he warned me that if we get caught we’re going to prison for many years. but if I get caught after returning to South Africa, I’ll get tried there and can escape a long sentence because the system is corrupt (this seems lore accurate?).

16th July 2025

I was going to a party and I was getting a dress from a small shop. The dress had a giant fabric flower on the back of the waist area. If you move the flower to the side, it means you’re open to strangers talking to you. When in the center, it means that you don’t want anyone talking to you. I am not sure if that would work, also the flower might impede proper sitting posture. It was cute, however.

19th July 2025

I was in school, and when I looked at my watch twice my friend asked me why I did that. I replied that it’s my “lucid trigger”, she said “Luther trigger‽”. I then found myself in a 4 player Luther trigger from classic PSO2 but I was a ranger and I didn’t know how to play.

23rd July 2025

I was in highschool, hanging out with my two best friends. We were looking for our goth friend (I don’t think she’s based in reality). We decided to go inside the vents for the basement, since the basement was locked. After squeezing ourselves into a service door that was on the outside of the ground floor, we proceeded to go up some metal stairs. The vents were a tight squeeze so my one friend had her butt get stuck against the walls, luckily I was behind her so I pushed her forward until she was unstuck, she said “any harder and I would’ve fallen in love with you”. My butt got stuck at the same spot but there was no one behind me, so I pulled out an inflatable thingie inside a drawstring bag and put it behind me (by pushing it through the gap between my thighs). It started to inflate on its own but it needed the string to be pulled for the inflation to carry on. so I pulled out an electronic floss gadget that could wind itself and used it to pull the string (go go gadget Sam). Once I was free and picked up my gadgets, my friend said “ok now I’m really in love with you”.
After we got to the top of the vents and entered the basement (but we went up from the ground floor, how is this the basement?), we found our goth friend kissing her twink boyfriend but she was in the corner of the room which was filled with flattened cardboard boxes. We had to carefully navigate to the end of the box stack as they squished beneath us. When we got to them, the goth girl gave us the key (so she locked herself in here?). We then took the regular stairs down to the actual basement.
On the ground floor there was a room with clear tanks around the windows that were filled with popcorn, the student council people working there said they fill the tanks depending on the level of the popcorn in the silos (the school has popcorn silos? what?). I had lost my phone during the whole thing so I had someone from the council locate it using their Apple Compass™

24th July 2025

I was on a school field trip where we went to the Trump gas station book store to get a free book. I found a cute yuri novel but when I went to buy it I was told that it was now “red labelled” by Trump. I got scared of what that meant so I put it down and went around asking people about it but no one would tell me, until I found Trump himself. I asked him and he said “see my darling, that means my people said this book is one of the worst books, you don’t want to read it. this book is the worst and my people said so. if you read it you will be the worst, and they will know. everyone will know”. meaning that if I buy it, he will announce to the whole school that I like unsavoury content - whatever everyone already known that I’m the queerest of all queers. but when I went back to buy the book (can’t get it for free :/), I couldn’t find it, instead I was found by one of the guards and questioned. Apparently the field trip had ended. The guard was asking me the usual things like “who are you?”, “where are your parents?”, etc until he got to “do you think Trump is a pedo?” I said yes and he said “Okay darling, you’re a real one, we’re going up”. He called an elevator to the top floor of the building, which I guess was Trumps house. he then said “we can’t have you going up looking like that, let me flat pack you”. A giant glass tube, about 30cm wide, started rising from the ground beneath my feet and I had to figure out how to position myself to fit inside. It was an uncomfortable tight squeeze, but then he started the vacuuming process where everything was squeezed out of me and I was turned into a cylinder about as big as a monster can. When we got up to the top floor, he put me into the body of my choice, so I chose a cat. Unfortunately up there, the system controls and monitors you. I couldn’t do anything it didn’t want me to do, so I couldn’t trash the place. It was comfortable being a cat and laying around in the sun, however.

27th July 2025

I moved into an old apartment with two of my friends. We were looking around the place and I spotted a slight gap in the wall texture near the bedroom. I pressed onto the wall and it slid away, revealing a secret area filled with random electronics. At the back there was what looked like a giant vending machine that was branded with Dr. Pepper. As we stepped further in, towards the machine, the landlord barged in and told us to not go near it. She ran up towards the secret doorway and started shouting at us that it’s dangerous. I touched the machine with hands that didn’t look like mine, and the top opened up, as we got in I noticed that I’m Kurisu from Steins;Gate. That meant this had to be a time machine. unfortunately the machine’s console was destroyed so all the smashed up screen displayed was “error” along with various glitchy coloured patterns. I pressed the big green button and the machine started doing something anyways, one of my friends said it’s like we’re talking to the heart of the machine. White particles started glowing in the air and I told my friends to “protect me in the past” as we were warped to sometime during my childhood. I didn’t come along, however, I was observing in a third person freecam somehow - probably something to do with the heart of the machine or whatever. This trip had to do with stopping an event that caused me to lose my memory, they had figured that part out and managed to locate child me playing on a bicycle. I woke up before I could figure out what they were supposed to be protecting me from.

8th August 2025

I was filling out a form for a blood donation, they had the usual stuff like name and ID number but there were very strange questions like “Tourier name” and other stuff that didn’t make sense. The staff was not helpful at first, until I asked for a specific staff member that helped my sister before, she ended up going through old (physical) records looking for my sister’s form so we can see what the values are supposed to be. Eventually we found it but then it came to the last item on the list called “Chain ID” and it was an absurdly long string of hexadecimal characters so it took me forever to fill it, but then the lady said my time is up so I had to stop. They gave me a tote bag that had 1h+ printed on it, since it had apparently taken me 1 hour to unsuccessfully fill out the form. I then rewound time and retried a couple times now that I remembered all the details. Then when I finally got the chain ID right, they gave me a second paper that said “congratulations on successfully copying the Chain ID, where did you learn the skill of copying long arbitrary strings?” and I wrote “I like to type out URLs that I see in youtube videos”. Then they told me “unfortunately our AI has determined that you seem homosexual so we can’t accept your donation”.

Later, I was at what felt like the last day of school, this wasn’t any school I know. it looked like a mall and it had many different screens displaying ads and maps and stuff. I snuck into one of the backrooms and plugged in something that looked like a Raspberry Pi Zero, but with a full sized ethernet port into one of the racks. It took a couple seconds but every display screen in the facility changed to parodies of what they were displaying. Like they looked normal at a glance except the text was all absurd stuff like “kiss your homies goodnight” on the ad for a mattress store. I then magically swapped out my clothes for Rachel Amber’s outfit and skated away. My view then switched to some lady in office attire trying to find out who did it. She got a text from me that said something like “ur cute, wanna come over for a drink :3”. She knew it was me because no one had her personal number. I woke up before I could see the conclusion to that one, but I doubt they found me because I’m a supa hacka.

9th August 2025

I was playing PSO2 and they added a “Request Balatro match” for UQ bosses. Only one person can do it, if you win, the boss is defeated immediately and everyone gets loot, if you lose then then you fail the UQ and get nothing. Also everyone gets to spectate your Balatro run and backseat you in the chat.

10th August 2025

There was a magical barrier on the street that when passed would transport you to a magical world where inanimate objects turn into living beings like in Deltarune. In order to gain magic powers, you had to eat sheets of foiled paper. It’s like trying to swallow a pile of metal shavings. I don’t remember much of what happened there, but I remember it being a fun experience (aside from eating paper).

Later, I was at some kind of nighttime event at a rich person’s house (probably yours). There was some british guy leading the event and we didn’t like him for some reason. So one of my friends climbed on top of a wall and rigged a trap to drop waffles and syrup on his head. I was on the wall keeping lookout. When the waffles fell, the event guy looked up and spotted me first, and shouted for the guards to get me, luckily I had pulled up my hood so all he said was “guards! get the brown kid- I mean black figure!”. There was a palisade fence that has the magical barrier from earlier, but the only spot to squeeze through it was covered in sharp metal spikes. My friend went through first and they were seemingly unhurt. When I tried to go through I ended up losing some fingers to the fence, I asked my friend how she got through and she said, “I chopped all my fingies off, and now I have dog paws!”. So I did the same and transformed into an anthro cat. After getting to the other side, I was stupid enough to ask about how chopping only my fingers protects my body. My friend said “it doesn’t” and my body proceeded to split in half at my waist, causing my lower half to burst into white pixel art eggs. The evil guy responded with a chicken attack that covered the floor in brown eggs, now to get my body back I had to sort out the white eggs from the brown ones. Luckily I had learned a spell that could do it when I ate that paper earlier. I lifted up my eggs and they coalesced into a glob of white before merging with my body, after I got my body together, I defeated the evil guy and went home.

27th August 2025

I got a new joker in Balatro:

Recruiter Bicycle
This card gains x0.5 mult for every rejection letter received

31st August 2025

I was a shapeshifting quartz dragon. I had gone back to school to seek shelter from someone evil because my heavy attack ability had been temporarily disabled. I intended to just hide there until the ability came back, so I climbed onto a railing that was like a cat walkway and went all around the building. Up there I saw a paper that had a picture of a quartz dragon with the text “heavy attack disabled”. I had to hide the paper (no idea where it’s from, but if my enemy found it then they could kill me). While searching for a place to hide it, I walked into one of the occupied classrooms and was spotted by my teacher. she started questioning me about the final project I had submitted. It was a video montage of how me and some friends acquired and decorated the first floating christmas tree set to some music. She said that the music choice was mediocre even though I didn’t choose any of the songs. she then started interrogating me about why it took us so long based on the dates in the video. December 14 was missing, apparently. So she wanted my browser history for that day. I told her to speak to a lawyer. I was about to fly off but my heavy attack ability had come back, so I body slammed into her and turned her into a red mist. I then flew away because I was no longer in danger if my enemy found me (I have no idea who this enemy is).

Later, I became The Doctor and Mr Who and his Assistant were chasing after me (I have never watched Dr Who so none of this is based on anything). I think they were immortal and if they caught me I would die. I trapped them in a dimension where I could somewhat control everything. My first try was to make it an infinite hallway with various obstacles but they always seemed to catch up after a couple years. Eventually I settled on a hiking trail through a forest that is very hard to climb through, going on for miles and wrapping around itself like a giant planet. Once I was ahead enough of them, meaning they were buried under several hundred layers of the planet I had made, I started heating the planet up to burn off all of the volatiles, apparently I had made it with a large portion of gold so that it would turn into a giant ball of gold when heated enough. I covered myself in a magic shield while this was happening so I was unharmed. I then teleported away from my dimension and they didn’t follow, so I can only assume they’re trapped there forever. but when I woke up I still feel like I’m being chased.

5th September 2025

I joined a PSO2 alliance named Bubble Tea and then renamed it to Bunny Tail as a joke.

9th September 2025

I went to the corner store with a friend after school. It was foggy like in silent hill, we joked about the spooky atmosphere and how crazy it would be if there was a serial killer hiding in the fog. As we left the store, a guy in a trenchcoat snuck up behind my friend and blew a hole in his chest cavity with a cursed dagger that was recently awoken (it requires sacrifices to get stronger). The dagger looks like a regular one but with curved bits of metal swooping away from it, going from the handle towards the blade, seemingly impossible to hold. the killer seemed shocked by what they had done so I had time to escape into the fog. The incident was on the news, but they didn’t know I was a witness. I had a cursed dagger too, so I swore to get revenge by awakening it as well. The next day at school, instead of leaving my bag in the classroom during break, I had left it outside because my dagger didn’t want to be in the classroom for some reason (it spoke to me), so I left my bag outside. The speaking dagger meant I was on the right seed for today (not sure how or what you need to reroll to awaken your dagger). No clue why I left my bag outside instead of taking the dagger out but it got stolen (?), probably just someone playing a prank by hiding a random bag. when the lunch break had ended, I noticed my missing bag and told the teacher. She called me a silly girl and sent me outside to find my bag. Luckily I was able to locate it at the back of the playground by listening for the sound of my dagger. I had also found the culprit hiding behind the building, so I decided to kill them with my dagger, I had to awaken it eventually and I didn’t feel bad about killing someone who had wronged me. School ended without incident, no one had found the body yet. While going home however, it was similarly foggy to the night when my friend got killed.

While I was leaving, one of my classmates (I think his name was Faheed), snuck behind some shipping containers and tried to attack me from behind with his dagger. I had rolled a god seed where two dagger users end up awakening at the same time - but now was not the time to be impressed at my insane gambling skills, I had to escape. I used the super speed from the dagger to dodge his attacks but that only made him more angry (probably the rage of the dagger, they are sentient beings too). It seems the dagger can create gadgets that you imagine? so the first thing I thought of was the grappling hook and parachute from Just Cause 2. I used them to grapple to a far away building and then glide away with the parachute, staying in the air by grappling to nearby buildings to give me a speed boost. Faheed noticed this and imagined a minigun with his dagger and tried to shoot me out of the sky. Luckily his aim was complete ass so he missed every shot. He then imagined a grappling hook of his own and started chasing me. Using his dagger he spoke to me telepathically via my dagger. He wanted to know something about the killer that was on the news. I think he knew that I was there on the night of the original incident, but because I wasn’t saying anything about it he assumed I had done it. I explained that it wasn’t me and I was planning to get revenge on the killer myself, so I didn’t want to involve the cops since they would detain me, wasting valuable time. Even after knowing this, he still wanted to kill me because according to his dagger, “there can be only one”. Perhaps that’s why he wanted to kill the dagger user on the news, not for revenge on then for killing our friend, but to be the only one. He texted me an image that he had acquired somehow that was related to the killer (I don’t remember what it was). He wanted to know how to find the location it was taken at.

I wasn’t going to reveal my secrets so I told him “imageboard”. No clue what I was getting at, I guess I was trying to mislead him so I could kill him before he kills me. But he was much stronger than me, and I guess that translates to dagger ability. I grabbed onto a train hoping to get away from him so that I could go home and rest for a bit. My dagger had one kill on it so it’ll get stronger overnight. The train has worked and I managed to get home safely, but I had to do some research on my laptop. after turning it on, I raced to turn off the wi-fi so I could close Discord. If Faheed saw me online he would know to look for my house (no clue how he would locate it though), but better to be safe. After closing anything that would expose my location, I turned the wi-fi back on and began checking online for any news about the killer. My dagger told me that if I killed the original killer, mine could absorb its power and become more than twice as strong. Which is probably what he was trying to do with me. Sadly I woke up before I could get revenge on the killer

10th September 2025

I was making anime figures out of cacti by strategically tying strings around them to control their growth.

13th September 2025

I was at some convention and I bought a monster bubble tea, it tastes exactly how you’d expect it to.

18th September 2025

Today I met the Mustard Bastard. I don’t understand why people call him that.

19th September 2025

I was telling people to throw their photograph joker on the floor next to a Saturn card, it would scare the planet card causing it to turn into a Titan card that gives you a buff that causes straight flush and straights to level up at the same time. In reality, it would destroy your photograph joker and the planet card, but I love trolling.

20th September 2025

I was at school on what felt like an extended lunch break. I was hanging out with some friends who I did not recognise: some short nerdy kid named Fred and a taller guy whose name I never got, I will call him Dred. We were talking about how it’s going to be new years soon and we decided to watch the time change to 2026 on our phones. When the time changed over we said happy new year to each other. Then I mentioned how this is the first year in a while where I wasn’t watching the time on my statusbar on my desktop computer. Fred said, hey you could’ve looked at it over remote desktop. so I checked the time of my computer by remoting in and Fred noticed that I use Polybar. he pushed his glasses back and said “you’re one of them Linux users? that explains why you’re so pretty”. Dred said, “Fred loves Linux because he’s such a fucking nerd”, also he mentioned how he doesn’t use Linux because he’s not a fan of tinkering with his shit. Fred said, “yeah, if you’re a Linux user who doesnt like tinkering then you’re not even a black pot in a sea of kettles, you’re just a black pot” - there aren’t even kettles around, silver or black. We got up and went to the lockers and Fred pulled out his lunchbox, he called it a 5-10 because it was 5x10 cm at the base. “dx/dy 5/10, see it’s perfect. I even have error bars”, he said as he showed us the diagram on the side of the lunchbox which looked like it was pulled straight from a CAD program. I don’t remember what happened after that, I think we went home. also it was bright outside, looked like afternoon by the colour of the sunlight, so no clue how we watched the time tick over to 2026.

21st September 2025

I broke into my house looking for some secret plan. I found a PC and connected a Teto bluetooth speaker to it in order to copy the documents folder. but it was some weird Linux so I had trouble finding the files. I decided that two Sams is better than one so I split myself into two. We then hugged because I’ve always wanted to hug myself. After finding and copying over the files, I heard someone coming home. I had to escape quickly, so I merged with my clone and began running to the exit. but I wasn’t fast enough and some strange man (I guess the new owner of the house?) caught me. I could reverse time but I’d just get caught again since I can’t go far back enough to find the files faster. So I turned myself into a vampire (apparently that’s an option?) and I flew away out of the back gate. The guy still spotted me and swore at me because he thought I was his exwife who had killed his whole family after she became a vampire. I needed to find a place to hide, and luckily they had turned the garage into a shelter for animals, so I hid there for a while to regain my energy (since flying out in the sun would use way too much energy for me to be able to get back to my home). Once it was night time, I woke up and saw my cat sleeping next to me (why was she still at this house? did something happen to me where I had to escape without her?) before I could think about what happened while flying away, a mage started shooting spells at me from the house. I managed to evade them and get to my house. I analysed the data and saw that a magical girl who was destined to save the world was now living at my old house. There was an asteroid that was going to wipe out all life in about 15k years, as well as comets in 10k years, carrying magical artefacts that would make either of us unstoppable. Since I was an immortal vampire, all I had to do was find a place to hide until the comets got here. So I got into my underground coffin and fell asleep.

30th September 2025

There was a Let’s Encrypt alternative called Aptil 41 where your certificates would expire monthly and you had to pay to renew it. There was also an emergency payment options where you could extend your certificate for $1 per minute for up to 1000 minutes. But the emergency option turned out to be a scam because it was fraudulent somehow, and I was investigating it by breaking into various properties to steal their SSH keys. Oh also my school was investigating me for shooting my dad because he misgendered me (but I think that was a different dream).

2nd October 2025

They updated base PSO2 with a Snoop Dogg collaboration. we were farming for Petalsea Bong in divide quests. No idea what it does, but everything seemed normal.

7th October 2025

When I woke up today the word “shaun’t” was in my head but I have no idea about the context of the dream that I heard it in.

I shaun’t talk about it further.

11th October 2025

I was watching an edit of steamed hams that went like:

I thought you had a son. D’oh, no. I said alt son. That’s what I call him. You call your daughter your “alt son”? Yes. It’s a regional dialect. - Uh-huh. Uh, what region? - Uh, downstate Florida. Really. Well, I’m from Miami, and I’ve never heard anyone call their daughter “alt son. " Oh, not in Miami. No. It’s an Orlando expression. I see. You know, your “son” is quite similar to a lovely woman who works at Krusty Burger. Oh, no. Patented Skinner child. Old family recipe. - For an “alt son”. - Yes. Yes. And you call her son despite the fact that she is obviously girlled.

but after the punchline they just stared at the viewer in silence.

13th October 2025

I got fired for looking at Gelbooru at work.

18th October 2025

While I was playing PSO2 my tooth felt weird so I touched it with my finger and it was the tip of another finger.
I looked at my screen and it said “Congratulations you have gained 1x finger as tooth, earn more seasonal points to transform the rest of your teeth”.
There was no option to turn it off and everyone in the alliance chat was congratulating me on having a finger tooth.

4th November 2025

I am working as a web developer now, but when I pressed the submit button the form I was working on, it ate me.

27th November 2025

I explained the refrigeration cycle to people in a work meeting.

30th November 2025

I made a food vending machine called “Sam’s nams, yams, spams, and jams”.

13th December 2025

I was watching a student film where there were around 8 people hanging out in a train sitting down around the same table. It was one of those fancy trains where you can get food - everyone had just finished eating, judging by the general disarray of the table. Two of them were dressed as Batman and Robin. Everyone seems to be getting along until Robin says something that pisses Batman off, causing him to pull out a gun and point it at Robin. The whole table goes silent then Batman says “Robin, if you don’t like me that much then…”, Batman points the gun at his own head and continues “you should just shoot me right now”. He then hands the gun to Robin, handle first. everyone at the table watches in suspense as Robin takes the gun and replies, “You know what, Batman?”, he pauses for a second, “Why don’t we shoot each other?”, he says while pulling out and screwing on a double ended coupler to the end of his pistol. Batman pulls out another gun and screws it on to the end of Robin’s, the camera zooms in to one of the other students and he whispers “they’ve made frotpistols”. The camera then pulls out to reveal Batman and Robin in a standoff with their fingers on the triggers of their pistols, and everyone sitting around them, watching intently, sort of like an arm wrestling match - Batman and Robin staring at each other intensely. The camera zooms in to Batman’s trigger being pulled, then Robin’s, making you think for a second that Batman won, but then it shows the two guns filling the frame and both triggers being pulled at the same time. It then fades to black with the text “to be continued” exactly where the guns were.

I’m in the room with the same people in the film, I had just showed them their own film from 7 years ago, I think most of them have forgotten about it. I then said to them, “guys I want part 2”. I think everyone looked up to me for some reason because they all shook their heads in agreement.

29th December 2025

I was a doctor who was telling a patient that they’re diagnosed with cancer:

me: Sir, you have cancer
guy: Cancer? I wouldn’t want to dancer!

He then moon walked outside of my office and disappeared.

7th January 2026

I was playing PSO2, just hanging out in the lobby, and there was an emergency quest but it wasn’t Xiera doing the announcement, it was the train announcer guy. He said “Attention all passengers, travelers bound for the airport should change trains now”.

What a weird bug.

18th January 2026

I was playing an IRL capture the flag game inside a mall. Each shop had a giant segmented light bar with the colours of each team (I think there were four teams? I was on yellow). At the beginning of the game each team has their own home buildings which they fully control, capturing a building requires turning the light bar (which varies in size based on the size of the shop) entirely to your team’s colour. I think it would overwrite the oldest one of a different colour. So for example if you have a shop like [🟨🟨🟨🟨🟦🟥] then if a yellow person walks in who already owns one of the slots, nothing happens, but if they don’t own one of the slots then they will replace one of the non-yellow ones (the oldest one) turning it into [🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟥]. Of course the information of which is the oldest slot/who owns a slot isn’t displayed to players so you have to remember if you’ve previously captured a shop’s slot. Teams earn bonus points for controlling a shop, I think the earning period was every 10 minutes? No idea how long this game was supposed to be. You can also reserve a square in fully controlled shops by paying a certain amount of points every earning period. Also every team gets a home shop that can’t be captured by others until they lose all other shops. I don’t know if you could kill people, but probably? Anyway, I was hanging out in my home shop messing around with the spare laptop that one of our team members brought over to be our server (no clue what we needed it for). It was apparently too slow for our needs and I was put in charge of trying to optimise the services running on it. I noticed that we were using wi-fi for everything in our home shop, which was kinda like an office (no clue why there were people sitting down at desks and doing office work). there were ethernet jacks but we needed someone to enable them, so I had to go outside to find someone who would know about it (maybe the game organisers?). I sat down next to one of my team members and noticed that the desk was pretty dusty, also there was a spare laptop just sitting there, covered in dust. I turned it around and saw that it had my deadname on it, the lady next to me said “oh yeah, that’s your desk from back when there were plans to invite you”. I think this shop was a college for gifted computer nerds? idk why they didn’t end up inviting me, but either way we now could have a better server. I opened the laptop lid and saw that it had a custom keyboard, so they went through all this effort and didn’t invite me? I wonder what stopped them. I thought ethernet was more important than this so I put the laptop back on my desk and went out of the shop, noticing that we have heads up displays and it showed that yellow was ahead in the game and that green was eliminated, so it was just yellow, red, and blue left. The arcade next to my home shop was taken over by red so I stepped inside and tried to reserve a slot but it wouldn’t let me because it wasn’t fully controlled, sad. Then I woke up before figuring out how to get the ethernet to work.

24th January 2026

I was in bible school and they were reading a story to us called “Hairy Crotcher And The Burning Bush”

4th February 2026

My dad was trying to kill me with a scythe and I had to deflect his attacks using a machete. It was like a rhythm game because he was attacking to the beat of one of the Crypt Of The Necrodancer songs. I missed one parry and got cut on my arm, it felt real. But I eventually found an opening and stabbed my machete right through his head.

7th February 2026

I was Ron Weasley running around my old school, I wanted to show Hermione a Youtube video after school but she had extra lessons. So I went downstairs and I found Harry and Fred and George chilling in a bathtub at in the corner of a studio, they were about to shoot a live TV segment about washing your dog. they ended up taking their shirts off but I didn’t because I didn’t want the world to see my chest and know that Ron is trans. The doggo was nice and we’ll behaved while we were washing her. Oh also she was my old bosses dog.

Also I got a new Balatro joker:

High Roller
Every played card counts in scoring. 1.5x mult for every high card in played hand. Lose $1 for every hand other than high card in played hand (scales with current round)

8th February 2026

I got banned from the Baba is You Discord server after posting a meme that the moderators called “strange”.

9th February 2026

I have unmet dependencies.

15th February 2026

I was in school, apparently my final year of highschool but I had missed the first few days. Luckily I was in colouring class, we had to draw some palm trees or something, not really sure but I finished my work and handed it to the teacher on my way out. then I found myself walking outside the school while looking at my little gay notebook (it had the lesbian pride flag on the cover), inside was the timetable for this year. I couldn’t read the text for what the next class would be, but luckily someone was walking with me an mentioned that I’m looking at the previous year’s timetable. “sorry, wrong timesheet”, I said as I flipped to the back of the book where I put this year’s stuff. I flipped past several drawings of Saya . My friend asked me who that was and all I said was “my waifu”. Turns out that final year students get the rest of the day off on tuesdays. So I headed to one of my other friend’s weddings that was happening in a building not far from school. Everyone was gathered outside at like a pre-wedding party while they prepared the venue. There was one sliding door to enter the place (sounds like a fire code violation). I didn’t have an invitation so I was just hanging out for the vibes. Once the time came for the wedding they opened the door and called everyone in, then shut the door. I was still outside wondering how I could get inside, then I remembered the ring bearers rule: anyone with the ring can get into the wedding without an invite. So I reversed time by sticking my hand out like Max from Life is Strange. Then I clenched my fist to freeze time and it made a Luther bong sound. I then ran back where everyone came from to try to find the ring, but all I found was a bunch of gold rings lying around, which I sold for money by squeezing them between my hands. Eventually I found Gollum, I picked him up and slammed him into the ground repeatedly until he dropped the ring. Then I headed back toward the entrance. On my way there I found a locked chest that didn’t want to open until now, probably the power of the ring opened it. Inside was a smaller chest and inside that was a small box that contained a sapphire ring. Maybe that was the actual wedding ring and I misunderstood the assignment? Anyways I headed back to the entrance with both rings and walked inside. It was kinda cramped with pyrotechnic flame thingies next to the grill, which for some reason looked like it was made out of a wooden park bench with coals underneath it. Someone put a giant tomahawk steak on the top and it started sizzling. There was another bench adjacent to that one which had cheese underneath it. I cut a piece of cheese and started eating it, then I woke up.

I’m sad that I never got to figure out what I was going to do with the rings.

20th February 2026

Today I made out with a cute stranger. Just kidding, it was my cat.

also I had a dream that I was in Nier Automata and there was an old android lady who was scamming people. She had small clay lamps filled with sand outside her house and apparently breaking one of them would give you good luck. But when I broke one, she threw a mug at me, I dodged it and it broke on the ground. Then she came outside and said that we owe her money for a new mug. I didn’t want to pay her so I started attacking her. It took like 20 minutes but I finally cut her open and she was filled with clay lamps.

21st February 2026

My highschool music teacher was telling us about flutes:

“They’re call it a flute because it rhymes with fluke”
“It’s a reminder that nothing in this world is real”
“So don’t worry if you’re bad at it”
“Soon we’ll all wake up”

and then I woke up.

25th February 2026

I had a dream that I was on the train but all the announcements were different:

“Approaching… my limit”
“Passengers for the airport gayport should change trains genders”

I woke up laughing and the person next to me probably thinks I’m crazy now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1st March 2026

I had a dream where my mother said something very mean to me so I left the house when it was getting dark the with intent to get murdered by someone. I managed to find a couple who wanted to mug me a couple blocks away from my house

P: What brings you here, missy?
S: Just walking around, are you here to mug me?
P: Yes
S: Can’t you make it more exciting?
P: Yes, we could shoot you afterwards?
S: Nah, that’s too boring, can you do something more interesting?
P: We do have an experiment to run, wanna be our test subject?
S: I love experiments!
P: It’s very cool, we’ll turn you into a gel
S: :O

Next thing I know my brain is being removed and then blended with some nutrients and placed into a jar, my perspective shifted to a third person view of the process somehow.

“Yay I’m so squishy”, they then microwaved me. “Did you just microwave me? I’m a lesbian btw, and I think microwaving a gay is a hate crime” (dunno how I was talking as a gel)

I was then placed into an incubator, it was very peaceful.

3rd March 2026

My favourite dress went missing. My mom said it happened dudeoraweekago^[sic]

17th March 2026

There was a large earthquake and it caused my whole neighborhood to collapse into a giant pit. The only thing I managed to save was my laptop. I eventually climbed out of the pit and made my way to my highschool where I was able to charge my laptop because it’s USB-C and someone had a phone charger. I was then able to figure out that the earthquake was caused by an illegal mining operation. I don’t remember what happened after that though.

23rd March 2026

I remember something about a school project. I was speaking to people about it, then I found a hidden microphone on the ground that had the ability to pair to your phone like airpods. The guy I was talking to didn’t seem very pleased about me taking the microphone. Then I was trapped in a hotel, maybe as punishment for stealing? There was something like silicone stuck on the roof of my mouth and I kept pulling it out but it was a super long string of rubber, but it looked like bacon when it was outside of my mouth. When I eventually got it out then idk what happened. The hotel caught on fire and the only way to escape was to go upwards.

24th March 2026

There was apparently something wrong with my medication, I think monotherapy wasn’t working properly or something. I was looking for information about my implant but I couldn’t find anything so I walked into a clinic to ask them questions but there wasn’t anyone who could help me. I eventually gave up and decided to book an expensive appointment with my doctor. After leaving, I kneeled down and I placed my phone and teddy bear on the ground while I was busy tying my shoes. Then two creepy guys walked past, one of them grabbed my phone and started messing with it. I managed to grab it back but by then it was somehow an older phone with a really laggy screen. I asked the guy what he did but he didn’t want to answer. All they said was “hey there’s a teddy bear like that one listed on marketplace, we know where you live”. It seems as he swapped my phone with an older one, and somehow moved all my data within seconds. I followed him while asking him questions but he didn’t want to answer me. So I grabbed a brick off the ground and started hitting him on the head with it. The guy’s replies got less intelligible as I dealt more blows to his head. Eventually the other guy called for backup but by then the main guy had turned into a cat, a somewhat chubby dark skinned hairless cat whose name was apparently bubsquat. I thought this was another one of his tricks so I hit him on the head with the brick one more time and he just looked at me with his tongue out. Backup had arrived and I think it was his brother, he saw me and the cat and said “bubsquat! we’ve been looking all over for you!”. I asked him if he had a brother who can shapeshift but he said no, he’s the only sibling. I was petting bubsquat while crying a lot. I woke up crying. I’m sorry bubsquat.

27th March 2026

My sister brought in a platypus which had heads on both sides of its body. I asked her where she got it and she told me that Doofenshmirtz is outside and he is doing awful experiments on animals. The platypus is actually Perry the Platypus but he was defeated by one of Doofenshmirtz’ experiments. It was now my duty to defeat him, she handed me Perry’s hat. Apparently the hat gives you super human abilities, but I couldn’t approach him wearing the hat because he would immediately recognise me as an agent and try to kill me. So I put my knife in my pocket and held the hat behind my back and walked out into my backyard. there were sea creatures everywhere, all in various states of deformity, some in tanks and some just lying on the floor. I walked up to Doofenshmirtz and asked him “watcha doin?” he replied with a monologue about how is he trying to recreate the moment that intelligent life crawled out of the oceans to prove one of his teachers wrong (they said evolution was a lie). I then stabbed him and made a big cut in his stomach - he would bleed out eventually so all I had to do now was stall. I knew he would attack me immediately after I did so I put the hat on and dodged almost instinctively. He had a giant metal fist and was trying to crush me but the hat gave me the dexterity to avoid all his attacks. We ended sparring up on top of a building but all I was doing was dodging and watching as he bled out and got weaker. Eventually he collapsed onto the ground. Major Monogram and Carl showed up and took his body away, they said “good job agent sam, trans rights!”. I went inside and returned the hat to perry, he made his signature sound.

3rd April 2026

I was at a party dressed as a goth hottie, hanging out with Matt Godbolt talking about various software exploits people would run on his compiler explorer (godbolt.org) that he’s had to deal with. He ended up asking me if I ever had to deal with any software exploits. I said nah I’m not popular to have people attacking me but I made an AI bot that attacks my own stuff and then e-mails me the successful attempts. Sometimes it gives me a false positive because it writes a faulty-proof of-concept, like it would write undefined behaviour and then email me that it’s own PoC doesn’t work as expected (because clearly any unexpected results means it’s successfully exploited something). He asked me of what kinds of undefined behaviour does it typically come up with and I said it’s just the noob shit like the order that parameters are evaluated. Some random guy (who looked like an annoying guy from my highschool) told me that Python is fixing that instance of undefined behaviour. I told him no it’s just a draft RFC and it’s going to take years to fix. We ended up physically fighting over it until I pushed him to the ground and pulled up the page and showed him that it’s only set to be finalized by 2027 and it’s currently 2024. This was Matt’s party, apparently so he just banned the guy from the event causing every bone in his body to instantly break, he then had to be wheeled out of the event on a stretcher. Matt and I then started talking about how people were supposed to bring a cool piece of software to the party but some people are really lazy like a guy we saw walking past who brought Ghidra. Matt proceeded to break that guy’s bones too. We then started talking about what makes software very well known, like if you were to take the first let’s say 10k most starred repos on GitHub, how many of those are things that you wouldn’t even know about? and would those qualify as cool software for the party? I don’t remember what happened after that.

10th April 2026

I was driving to the store in my dad’s old car and black widow spiders kept walking on me. Luckily I had my cat, Muffin, with me and she ate them because she is half Sergal. Then I found myself in an operating room because my brain was apparently smooth on the inside - the wrinkles were only a surface feature. They cut a chunk out of my brain and I forgot my childhood memories. The brain chunk looked tasty and it had wrinkles throughout. I don’t remember anything after that.

14th April 2026

My new phone stopped working and the message displayed on screen was “battery disabled: unauthorised rain without gambler’s den”.

15th April 2026

I was an investigator looking into a case where a policeman got their badge stolen by a guy who “fell from the sky”. I was having lunch with my coworkers, sitting around a table in a park. I suddenly had a eureka moment and cracked the case but one of my coworkers didn’t want me to retrace the steps of the killer so he stood in front of the trapdoor that led to the “suspect transformation booth”. Lucky I had a hand drill on me so I knocked the door blocker guy to the ground but then my other coworker knocked me to the ground before I could do anything. He then tied up my legs and hands and replaced the handle on my hand drill with one that has more leverage. He then untied me and let me drill a hole through the torso of the door blocker guy - no idea that was was about. I entered the trapdoor, it led to a small pizza oven on the main street. A little girl spotted me leaving the pizza oven as a greasy old guy and hid behind her mom - the transformation booth had worked - I was now in a simulation, back in time on the day of the incident. I walked to the scene of the crime and noticed that the suspect had hidden a giant ramp in his yard which he used to fling himself over his wall and onto the policeman. Somehow I had the keys to the house so I walked in and looked at the Rube Goldberg contraption that the guy had set up. He had a giant ramp made out of several wooden half pipes, probably made out of stolen from the local skate park. There was a scissor lift mechanism to lift up the ramp from a hole that was dug in his garden. It would slowly raise the ramp until it reaches the maximum, and then it would collapse and fall back into the hole in pieces, hiding the evidence. I had the suspects memories which we had scanned from him when we detained him, so I was able to deduce that he used a soccer ball to break his fall when dropping into the halfpipe, for some reason. The suspect had a camera monitor rigged up so he could time the jump perfectly for when the officer goes down the road on his daily walk. I tried recreating the incident but I miscalculated and broke my wrists - I had to time it perfectly so that I use the officer to break my fall. After I body slammed the officer and grabbed their badge, I spotted the get away vehicle parked nearby. So I noted down the plate - it matched the one that witnesses saw driving erratically during that morning.

19th April 2026

I was watching a premier for an animated series called “Cachy”, it was about an anthropomorphic brown bird.

It started with an ordinary looking house covered in snow. Cachy was arguing with their roommates.

Cachy: You will never be a Hen!
Stacy: Molly said I can stay with you gals! and she owns the lease so you have no say!
Cachy *tearing up*: I’m sorry Stacy, I guess that means I’m the one who can’t stay at the Hen house.

Cachy then locks herself in her room, crying.

Cachy: I will never be a god. No matter how hard I try - because of this stupid bird body.

The screen fades to black and a title card that says “1 month later” appears. Cachy is walking around town wearing a backpack, with their feathers very matted.

Cachy: Why did it have to come to this? If only my powers would awaken soon. I think I need to head to the top of the mountain to find myself - just like my parents did.

There is a montage of Cachy walking uphill, towards the mountain. Their feathers around their shoulders end up falling off, making it look as if they are wearing an off-the-shoulder top. Luckily the weather has changed and it is sunny now. They end up encountering a big blue bird on the mountain path.

Stranger: I’m Bluegrass, a social worker. You look like you’ve seen better days
Cachy: Well I got kicked out of my home and then I flipped my car in rage
Bluegrass: You did what to my car‽

*record scratch* - the video pauses and the author interjects: “I told Bluegrass’ voice actor that my loss is his loss - that’s why he reacted that way, anyway back to the video” - *video resumes*

Cachy: I’m sorry, I just get so angry sometimes. I’ll make it up to you, can you accompany me up the mountain?
Bluegrass: Without my car, I can’t get anywhere. So I will accompany you as long as you get my car back.

[the video cuts to a blue car in pristine condition in a parking lot, presumably Bluegrass’ car]

The pair continue walking up a winding mountain road.

I don’t remember anything after that.

23rd April 2026

I played a game that doesn’t exist and I got a song stuck in my head that also, doesn’t exist.

26th April 2026

I was watching a trailer for the new episode of some TV series called Me-rebel by a lady named Mirabelle. I had seen the new episode already because I was in her friend group. It was entertaining to watch the internet get up in arms about who she was and if she was even alive. I don’t remember how but the new episode made people believe that she was dead and that this was the her last dying work. I think it was about her trip to the remnants of a failed moon base and how her rocket trip back to earth could kill her if it failed. Also she found an old NASA credit card in the old base which was used for food budget of the two astronauts who were sent on a rescue mission - they had died along with everyone in the moon base. I think people thought the base was cursed or something.

Later, I was typing a message to a friend during a car ride and my phone keyboard started replacing every word I typed with “CIA”.

CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA. CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA, CIA CIA CIA. CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA - CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA CIA.