Memoriae Indefinitus

Posted on December 31, 9999 • 15 minutes • 3053 words

2nd June 2017

When I woke up today I was paralysed from the waist down. It was terrifying.

8th April 2018

Today my cat was the size of a small dog and she wanted to play. She is so fluffy and loves licking my face. I love her.

One of the tines on the nib of my fountain pen got bent out of shape and I was trying to fix the but I only made it worse. I tried frantically making adjustments and testing it but it never worked right after that.

21st June 2019

I tried a fountain pen that had a plastic nib. It was interesting.

16th November 2019

I dropped my TWSBI Eco on the floor today. The entire barrel cracked lengthwise and I was very sad.

23rd June 2020

I was in a massage chair today, it was nice. ababawabababa

28th June 2020

The HR guy broke into my house and stole my work laptop. I got fired.

19th August 2020

A small girl knocked on my gate and handed me a teddy bear. She said it was mine and I lost it. It had drugs inside.

20th December 2020

I’m working for Cadbury. We released new chocolates today. I fought a vending machine during my lunch break. I think I won.

22nd December 2020

Today I snuck into a movie theatre and just as the movie was starting the laptop that was playing the movie had a kernel panic. Somehow I ended up at the top of the theatre helping the dude fix his laptop. Then everyone started clapping and we enjoyed the movie.

6th January 2021

Today I had a dream where I was having a dream. It went several layers deep and I wasn’t sure if I had woken up yet. Am I awake now? The clock says it’s 5 AM but that doesn’t seem right. Please save me.

19th March 2021

I didn’t have any pants for school so my sister lent me a skirt. It was fun.

8th June 2021

Plankton was trying to show me something and he had test pads on his chest like a SD card. After I plugged him into my computer like a flash drive (idk how test pads even worked as a connector) he said “thank you for this brief technological encounter”. I think he was an alien.

16th February 2022

Version 2 of the Telethon library released today. So far there are no bugs!

1st April 2022

I had something important to do so I woke up early. But I forgot what the thing was. I hope nothing bad happens.

2nd July 2022

I was playing GTA VI and there was a mission where you had to assassinate a crazy serial killer named Ted. Ted is running around in the city protected by his goons, but when you find him and are about to kill him, he starts killing his own guys and there’s a new UI element on the side that looks like:

[You]	Ted
00:23	00:30
16 kills	12 kills

It’s like a chess clock, your opponent’s timer ticks down if you were the [last person] to get a kill, and kills earn you time on your clock. You can kill the other person at any time, but you only win if you have more kills than them (or if their time runs out).

17th July 2022

I couldn’t find the 😳 emoji today and I had a panic attack looking for it.

16th August 2022

I was in some kind of boarding boot camp with some of my university friends. There were no teachers around because of how my uni works. The boot camp involved us getting messages on our phones and solving puzzles to progress to the next level. I did the first few levels and then decided to take a break, so I went to nap on a couch. I woke up to my friend talking about level 22 of the challenge. Upon realizing that I had been asleep for an entire day, I gave up on completing the challenge (even though I had friends to help me?). So I walked out of the facility.

I ended up in a school; some of my old classmates from both high school and uni were there. I walked into the classroom wearing short shorts, a tank top, and my favourite hoodie. Everyone got seated quickly - I was in the middle. The teacher was one of my old science teachers, but this was a homeroom class. Someone got scolded for wearing clothes that didn’t have easily visible pockets, which made me realize that I’m in some sort of boarding school with strict rules. So I started checking my pockets - nothing useful other than my phone. Also, my hoodie has inside pockets, which are definitely against the rules, but the teacher didn’t seem to care.

Class starts and the teacher gives us back a few of our books. As the books are passed from the front to the back, I look outside and notice that there’s nothing there - just white. This prompts me to check if I’m dreaming, so I try to look at my watch twice (if the time changes, then I’m dreaming) - but it’s not there. Was it taken? Possibly by whoever put me here? Okay, new plan: after getting a stack of books passed to me from the person in front, I sort through them and take my books, passing on the rest back.

Looking at the books, I realize that I recognize these. These are all books that I had in high school! So I take a book and look at the front and back repeatedly to force the text to change, which it does. Usually at this point in a dream I begin to wake up because my brain doesn’t want me to be in control, but this time nothing happens. I try to change the world, but nothing happens again - I’m trapped.

Conveniently, the teacher steps out and people start goofing around as usual (usual? How long have I been here?). I unlock my phone and try to place a call. Not sure why, but I call the other Sam from uni. She asks me where I am, and I say that I’m in a dream that I can’t escape from. She tells me to remain calm and think carefully about how to wake up, then there’s a weird noise and the call gets cut. Then she appears in front of me. Is she also trapped in here with me now?

Before I can talk to her, my phone switches to another app that shows 9 inhalers. They don’t look like normal inhalers and are entirely made of metal bent into a weird U shape. The inhaler on the bottom right displays an animation of being pressed and disappears. That means I only have 8 calls to the real world left. (Maybe these don’t go to the real world and I can only summon 9 allies?)

I hear a voice coming from outside: “The brain is like a computer; once you bypass the antivirus and gain privileges, you can start to mess around with things like deprivileging existing users.” Did someone put a virus in my brain‽ The voice continues: “After that, you can begin sandboxing the various systems - trapping them in little boxes - maybe even shred some data along the way.” I’m going to be shredded? I need to escape now!

I ask Sam if she knows a way out, but before she can tell me, everyone starts stacking the tables to make a fort. Then I realize what’s up: the school is surrounded by monkeys. Everyone gets under the tables and hides. Glass breaks and the monkeys start pouring in. Thankfully, I’m close to the center of the table fort, so I’m relatively safe. After the monkey invasion disperses, kittens start to pour in.

“Are cats a reward?” I ask. “No, this is level 2,” Sam replies. These aren’t ordinary kittens; they’re deformed in weird ways and aggressive. I get bit on my left hand fending off the kittens, because I was not expecting their mouths to open as wide as their heads. I can hardly move my fingers after that. Sam throws out a support pet that floats near her like a summon from Terraria. After it kills a kitten, I realize I also have a pet and summon mine. It’s a giant spiky frog that can fly, and it swallows the kittens whole.

We successfully kill all the kittens, but our summons have taken a lot of damage. As we walk towards a hallway that appeared, the summons fall to the ground and I accidentally step on mine. It stabs into my foot with an unreal level of pain. “Looks like we can’t use our pets here; it’s a shame they didn’t give us a warning so we could keep them in a cage or something,” Sam says. I try to remove the crushed body of my pet from my foot, but Sam stops me: “You can’t do that; if your pet becomes active again, it’s game over.”

Each step makes the pet’s body painfully stab deeper into my foot. I guess at the end of this hallway we are supposed to fight the gatekeeper to the sandbox, but I don’t remember anything after that.

21st August 2022

I looked in a mirror today. I am so very cute.

6th September 2022

The apocalypse happened but luckily I have my own radio station.

25th September 2022

I was playing with geometry nodes in Blender today. Somehow I figured out how to modify IRL geometry too. Big things are coming.

26th September 2022

I was in school after not having attended in a while. People were doing a group project that I had no idea about and I wasn’t in a group.

16th January 2023

I was Spiderman living in an abandoned apartment building. My electricity and other utilities were hotwired. I had to enter through a broken window because the front door was locked.

20th January 2023

I posted a GIF to the PSO2 Fleet Discord server without watching the whole thing, and it ended up being NSFW in the last half so I got banned.

10th February 2023

I was back in school after being a delinquent for a while. I missed the first few days so I had to talk to every teacher and ask about the stuff I missed.

21st February 2023

I played PSO2 and I was stuck doing the same recommended quest forever because no matter how many enemies I killed I never got to A rank.

19th April 2023

I was walking outside and there were spiky earwigs that can burrow into your skin by violently dashing. They pause for a moment when they’re about to go into your skin, like how the bash ability works in Ori and the Blind Forest:

There was one that kept burrowing into my legs even though I pulled it out, it hurt almost as much as the spiky cat from the other day.

17th May 2023

My PSO2 alliance, Kitty Club, had an IRL meetup and everyone was dressed as their characters.

25th May 2023

I went to McDonald’s with friends and we had a great time.

31st May 2023

I was on a plane today and it almost crashed.

7th June 2023

When I woke up today, I couldn’t move and someone insane was shaving my arm with a potato peeler.

21st June 2023

Today my girlfriend murdered me so that I never leave her. I wonder if she loves me.

25th June 2023

I told my friend Woobles that “wooby i want your scooby booby for my doobie”. I have no idea what it means.

3rd July 2023

I fell asleep after looking at a Touhou thread and had a dream that I was Reimu eating glue in a back room of a shrine. When I woke up I almost thought glue was food.

6th July 2023

Today I made Shaksuka then I played PSO2. We ate bread in a friend’s personal quarters and then did HTPD, Sodam slapped me really hard this time.

7th August 2023

I had to turn evil to become a witch. It was worth it.

29th September 2023

I played Factorio today. Did you know that you can put steam in a box using an inserter? You can hold the steam in your inventory and eat it. It probably tastes better than raw fish.

9th November 2023

I figured out that if you flip each letter of the word “question” it becomes “poisson”.

29th November 2023

I made a reference to a meme that someone didn’t get, but when I went to find the meme I couldn’t find it!

4th December 2023

I was walking home from school with some friends and a big dog degloved my friend’s smaller brother through the fence. Somehow the dog phased through the fence afterwards and killed all of us.

18th December 2023

I went back to the final year of highschool to try to get a better score on the final exams. I failed to study again so I ended up dropping out before the exams.

21st December 2023

I am a caterpillar. Soon I will be a butterfly.

22nd December 2023

I am getting better at chess. I think I have a grasp on object permanence.

23rd December 2023

I looked at a Wikipedia article for some DVD and it said:

Availability: Maybe. because if your friends drew polka dots on your face with a marker you might get kicked out of the store.

28th December 2023

I am a very powerful, unemployed witch who is training at high school, and I had just gotten one of my essays from the mock exams back. Whatever story I had written involved lots of math, so my professor wrote, “Don’t recycle your math homework” on it, but the grade was pretty good. Apparently, I had been lying to my friends about my employment status, but they caught on. They bullied me on my way home from school, and one of them stole my magic chapstick. “They must have begun to doubt my skills”, I thought. I managed to grab it back and shove the whole thing in my mouth - normally, I only need to apply it once to have enough magic for the whole day. I then proceeded to blow up the whole district. I managed to survive because of how cool I am. I then fell to the ground.

I want another magic chapstick (it was a lovely purple colour).

30th December 2023

I was going through my dad’s collection of soldering iron tips, camera lenses and various electronic junk that was left in a display case in a mall. It had a leaking roof, which destroyed almost everything.
I was looking for a small pencil tip to do some micro soldering, but everything was weirdly shaped or rusted. I got arrested but the cops didn’t take my harmonica from me so I entertained myself by playing Bad Apple.

19th January 2024

I never completed highschool so i went back to complete it, but I joined the year partway through and had absolutely no idea what was going on.

20th January 2024

I fought Omega Masquerade today. He grabbed me and I died. Why is this so hard?

18th March 2024

I woke up in the hospital after being in a coma for a week, and I couldn’t move my legs. I forgot how to walk.

4th May 2024

My favourite part of Life is Strange is when Victoria calls Max “Marxine” and she replies “Marx, never Marxine”.

7th May 2024

Shadow the hedgehog was in my room this morning and he said “sticks and stones may break my bones but time heals all wounds”, I asked him what it meant and he just left without saying anything else.

32nd October 2024

I don’t want to talk about it.

2nd November 2024

Today my girlfriend stopped responding to any of my messages. She is online but not reading them or typing.

2nd March 2025

Today I tried the new Discord experimental feature which lets you send part of your conscience to someone. It’s very cool because the other person can respond with part of their conscience, this lets both of you get closer to each other’s thought processes. I tried it with my girlfriend but she never responded so I lost part of myself forever.

28th June 2025

Today I tried out being a DJ. I played a techno song using an edited sample which I changed to “bass is kicking, drums is drumming, y’all ain’t heard of the lass I’m fucking”. Everyone loved it.

18th September 2025

Today I met the Mustard Bastard. I don’t understand why people call him that.

18th October 2025

While I was playing PSO2 my tooth felt weird so I touched it with my finger and it was the tip of another finger. I looked at my screen and it said “Congratulations you have gained 1x finger as tooth, earn more seasonal points to transform the rest of your teeth”. There was no option to turn it off and everyone in the alliance chat was congratulating me on having a finger tooth.

4th November 2025

I am working as a web developer now, but when I pressed the submit button the form I was working on, it ate me.

27th November 2025

I explained the refrigeration cycle to people in a work meeting.

30th November 2025

I made a food vending machine called “Sam’s nams, yams, spams, and jams”.

7th January 2026

I was playing PSO2, just hanging out in the lobby, and there was an emergency quest but it wasn’t Xiera doing the announcement, it was the train announcer guy. He said “Attention all passengers, travelers bound for the airport should change trains now”.

What a weird bug.